All right. The news is out, so I guess I'll blog it: I have a date. Friday night, I'm going out to dinner with a man I've never met. My sweet cousin (who, among other talents, is a matchmaker) has "fixed me up."
I have so many mixed feelings about the whole thing. Mostly leaning toward the negative. I've talked with the fellow a couple of times by phone and he seems very nice, which my cousin says he is. But, I don't know. At this stage of my life, I just have so many more things that I'd rather turn my attention to. I haven't dated in a long time, true. But I do remember that dating, relationships, etc., take a fair amount of attention and work and time--time and effort I just feel like I'd rather be devoting to something like quilting or reading--something where I don't have to put on makeup, worry about how I'm dressed, wonder if my stomach is poking out, think of stuff to talk about.
I truly don't know why I agreed to do this. For one thing, my cousin can be very persuasive, so I agreed for her to give him my phone number. Then after he called a couple of times asking me out, I really didn't want to disappoint him. And then there's this feeling of obligation to "get on with my life." None of that makes any sense now, though. It's my life, after all. If I'd rather quilt than date, then that's what I should do. If I'd rather read a book than get gussied up and do a night on the town, it's my business.
And then there's Vann. It has been barely two years since he passed away, and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. Andy said she felt like he would approve. I said sure he would approve of me dating--IF he could pick the date, the place we go, the day and time, what I wear, what time I get home. (My Vann did like to be in control.)
Well, at least nobody can say I'm going into this with high expectations. I don't expect to enjoy it or ever do it again. So if I have a good time and he asks me out again, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Meanwhile, just call me Blanche Deveraux. No, no. Better make that Sophia Patrillo.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 11/16/2011, Helen in Switzerland said ...
I'm so glad you're going Susan - and either it will be great and you'll do it again or it won't and that will be an end of it - but at least you will have dipped your toe in the water! I do hope that you are very pleasantly surprised!!!
On 11/16/2011, merrily row said ...
Firstly, your cousin loves you and has your best interest at heart. Secondly, it is just A date. Thirdly, this is the thing I think about most if my husband, 11 years older, predeceased me, "would I have to date again?"
Good luck, and just think of all the books you can talk about.
On 11/16/2011, Pesky Patti said ...
I hope it works out for you in a friendship way. It's nice to have a man to do some things with. Makes us feel more feminine in a way. AND if he's good at fixin' stuff that's a bonus!!
On 11/16/2011, Mary said ...
Hi Blanche - I mean Sophia,
I am glad you are going and it IS a big step. I sure like your attitude about all of it. You never know what can happen. Wonderful things can happen and if they don't you will continue to live your full life. Much to my surprise, my life changed dramaticlly a year and a half ago. I had not dated in 20 years and now I share my time with a wonderful man. We take a day at a time. He would like to marry, but I do not know if I can ever take that step. By the way, I am 72! Yes, it is difficult to find the time to do everything we think we can do, but you will know if it is worth the change in the schedule that you have become accustomed to. Good Luck. We will be thinking about you with healthy postitive energy.
On 11/16/2011, Nancy said ...
Susan, I do kind of know where your coming from...I have been married for 43 year to the only guy I ever dated and I know without a doubt that if anything happens to him, I will NEVER remarry. I won't even date! BUT...my issue is that I have a terminal illness that is at this time at a plateau. It has been for several years. Besides, I wouldn't wish me on anyone at this stage in my life, LOL.
Anyway, please don't start out the evening planning to 'not enjoy yourself'. Even if you don't go again, at least relax, think positive and you may be surprised. You just might have a really nice time. Even if you do, it doesn't mean you are obligated to go again if you don't wish to. Enjoy, enjoy!!! Hugs...
On 11/16/2011, Laurel said ...
Hi....I know EXACTLY how you feel....and was in your place 7 years ago.....it took over a month of persistant telephone calls before I finally said I would go to lunch on a Sunday afternoon...thinking....if I go and get it over with he will leave me alone....What a surprise to have a nice time with a very sweet man whose company I enjoyed that day and have now for the past 7 years.....I know "my Jack" would be pleased that I am not alone in the world and - although if I had the choice I would take Jack back in a minute - I am happy in my new life.... Eloy is from South America and at the beginning I said I was having "A menopausal Latin love affair" but it has gone beyond that.... Keep your heart open - even if just a little - you might be surprised at the feelings that creep in....Good Luck!
On 11/16/2011, Pat S. said ...
Susan,please don't say you won't enjoy yourself,it's only dinner,and thinking that will make for an uncomfortable evening.Vann doesn't expect you to be a hermit I'm sure.Just remember it's not a commitment only one dinner date.I hope you have a nice time and you can tell your cousin you tried!!!Hugs
On 11/16/2011, Patricia McDonald said ...
Hi Susan,
So glad you are going out!! My opinion is you are going into this with a good attitude....not expecting a lot.
Enjoy your dinner and relax!! The guy might surprise you and be a gentleman who is kind, smart, and funny. Then he will have met his match! You know we will all be waiting to here the details....just like the Golden Girls! Blessings to you. Pat Mc
On 11/16/2011, Barbara Anne said ...
Hi Blanche, er ... Sophia!
I'll add my voice to those who are glad you're going out. Hey, it may be fun and the food will be good - and you're not cooking it. A plus! Hope you can relax and be your delightful self. If it's the beginning of something more, okay, if not, okay. You already know you have lots of things to do that you enjoy doing at home while in your jammies.
As is said in The Hobbit, "The greatest adventure is what lies ahead." I'm proud of your bravery and sense of adventure.
You go, girl!
Hugs!!
On 11/16/2011, Bien said ...
As my mother would say, "It's nice to have a tie across the table". It's dinner and I'm sure you'll have a good time. You're such a people person and you should think of it as an "interview for your blog".
We all love and respect you. We trust your judgment on many things and "us widows" would truly appreciate both positives and negatives. Bonne Chance!
On 11/16/2011, Gael said ...
Hi Susan,
All the comments here have been most wise...I'll just add that theres nothing wrong with male companionship once in a while. Could be thats all he wants also, just someone to do things with...
Not having to cook is THE best! lol..Have fun, think of it as stimulating your brain cells to activate more quilting! lol..
Gael
On 11/16/2011, Kai said ...
There's so little I can add that has not been said (and certainly better than I can say it) but at least let me say that it really ISN'T the chances we TAKE as much as the chances we IGNORE which we end up regretting. At the worst, you will have tested the waters & met a new person. At the BEST ... well ... who knows what possibilities await? I LOVE YOU, Susan!
On 11/16/2011, Debby Messner said ...
Just go and be open to where it leads. If it is just the one dinner then that is fine. Your heart will know.
On 11/16/2011, Ann Marie said ...
When my mom and dad divorced.......years ago. My dad said he would never remarry. Well after 3 or 4 years, he missed having someone around to talk to, he missed wanting to go out to dinner with someone, anyone, instead of by himself all the time, he missed going to the movies with someone, someone that he could talk about the movie afterwards. So he started dating. To fill just those voids. After a while seeing Nancy, who they got along great, always had things to talk about, had a lot of things in common, they started truly dating, and he was having feelings. A few years later they remarried. They have traveled all over the world, globe trotting I call it. Yes they got married too. When I questioned him about it one day, about his remark he would NEVER get remarried...........his answer was " Never say Never, you don't know what life has in store for you" Apparently the universe knew these two people needed each other, more than they knew it themselves. Keep an open mind, and don't worry about what others think about your makeup, your clothes, or if your stomach is sticking out. Be happy and be yourself. Life is too short not to enjoy the journey.
On 11/16/2011, Karen said ...
Susan: I hope you do have a good time despite your misgivings. I have been divorced for 11 years and it's been 3 years since the last boyfriend finally left my life. In many ways, I think I'm completely done with men, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone besides the cats to share things with. So, even if you aren't sure if you're ready, this is your chance to see if you might be ready after all. It's just dinner--it's not forever. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and you might find out that you are ready after all. And if you are not ready, that's OK, too.
On 11/16/2011, Jan said ...
Just do it! Have a good time! You never know!
On 11/16/2011, Bonnie said ...
All of us at home in our fuzzy slippers are glad you have the opportunity to get out the iron and get ready to go out. We are cheering you on!
On 11/17/2011, CarlaHR said ...
I'll only add "relax and enjoy yourself".
On 11/17/2011, judyt said ...
Wow -- lots of nice, great comments on this. I, too, am of the mindset that a relationship at this stage of my life would take too much time and energy and I totally prefer to be myself doing what I want to do and not answering to anybody or even having to talk to anybody! Work is enough interaction for me and my home time is my time. But -- I anxiously await to hear how your evening went and hope, if nothing else, that you totally enjoy it, even if going down that road is not what you choose to do and I applaud you for testing the waters.
On 11/17/2011, Debra said ...
One thing I learned while dating (between marriages) is that it is just as difficult for a man to ask for a date at (insert age) as it is at 16. He's asked you because he wants to show you a good time. He's putting himself on the line for your approval. If you are worrying about your stomach sticking out, he's probably worrying about his bald spot shining too much.
You really can't have too many friends; even of the male persuasion!
Try to be gentle on yourself and on him.
On 11/18/2011, Neko said ...
Hi-
Life is about having fun. Enjoy yourself!
Just wanted to share some of my projects with your group members.
http://bagitup4me-neko.blogspot.com/
Cheers- Neko
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