I have spent most of this past weekend thinking about my own "captivity of activity," how I let it happen, how I can solve it. I think I've figured out some things.
Five years ago, when fibromyalgia began taking over my life, I took up residence on the sofa for most days and nights. This went on for quite a while. I justified my lack of activity by the fact that the pain and fatigue made it very uncomfortable to move. I gained weight, missed out on lots of fun stuff, and caused a permanent sag in the sofa. I also started to feel very old.
Truth to tell, I am no spring chicken, but I wasn't quite ready to be kicked out of the hen house either. So I got up off that sofa (very slowly) and went back to participating in life. But I overdid it--by a huge margin. In order to feel like I'm an active human being, not nearly ready for the nursing home, I filled my life with crafts, meetings, volunteer work, swaps, challenges, bake sales, and anything and everything that felt like something I could do and enjoy.
Trouble is, I'm not enjoying hardly any of it anymore. Because although I'm off the sofa a lot more now, doing stuff, all kinds of stuff, the pain and fatigue have only increased. When my body tells me it's time to rest and revive, I tell it, "I can't! I have too much to do." So the body says, "OK, take this!" And I reply, "OUCH!"
So starting today, (really! I've already started) I'm cutting back. I'm not going to renege on any of my commitments; I just won't do that. I'm going to finish everything I've started that involves somebody else. But things that I can let go, I'm letting go. Like this morning, I told myself that I had to be at my quilt guild meeting by 8:00 in order to sign up and get a spot at our February retreat. Then I started thinking about that retreat and how last year I was in constant pain and never got a chance to rest because the sleeping conditions are horrible there. So not only did I not sign up for that retreat, I didn't even go to guild meeting. I stayed in bed an extra hour. This will be the first time I've missed that annual retreat in 12 years I think. I thought I would be sad about it, but I only feel relief.
I did one other thing over the weekend to simplify my life. I saw this wonderful swap that I wanted to join, BUT I DIDN'T. I was so proud of myself. And I'm learning to ask for help when I need it. Instead of typing all the recipes myself for our church cookbook, I now have the help of three other ladies, who were not only willing but also happy to be able to help.
It's going to take a while to get my life to the point where I have time to take a day to just do nothing when my body starts screaming. But I'll get there. And I'm not going to give up and become an old woman who lies on the sofa till her husband has her committed to a nursing home. I'm going to continue to sew and quilt and blog and cook and read and go to meetings and retreats. I'm just going to do it all on my schedule. I'm going to stop imposing deadlines on myself that I know in advance will be difficult to meet.
In closing, here are a couple of projects (very small ones) that I worked on this weekend while I was thinking about simplification. The first is my block of the month (Dutchman's Puzzle) for guild meeting this morning. I'll take it next month (if I go) and give it to whoever won the drawing. The second is another triangle for the Halloween banner.
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On 10/13/2008, Amy said ...
You Boo banner block is adorable! I look forward to seeing the entire banner!
On 10/13/2008, Janet said ...
Good luck Susan. Sounds like you need a little "me" time and I bet you deserve it! Life's too short to spend it trying to please everyone else, and not yourself.
On 10/13/2008, Pesky Patti said ...
Hey girl..It's not easy to give up the person you want other people to see. You are number one in your life and should live it according to what makes you comfortable. I'm thinking of you and hope you can change your hectic schedule one baby step at a time. Sophie and Vann will enjoy the added attention also!
On 10/13/2008, Terri said ...
Gosh Susan, I don't know if I knew you were in pain as you described in your post. I'm so sorry to hear that. But you are very inspirational in how you are handling it and still living a crafty life. Good for you on making choices that are good for you.
On 10/13/2008, kathie said ...
Good for you. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by all the things we allow ourselves to become a part of. As a missionary wife, mom of 5, homeschool mom, music director, Sunday School director, and so on.....I long ago found myself overstretched. I felt like Bilbo when he said he "felt like butter spread over too much toast". A wonderful friend in the ministry told me it was better to do one thing well than trying to do a dozen I would never accomplish. He also told me it was okay to say "no". Since then I have learned that being overcommitted does not bring joy...just exhaustion. I've also learned that when I do everything myself and am robbing others of the blessings God might have for them. It is not an easy task, though. Sometimes I forget and slip back into the wearer of many hats. But God is good and He reminds me to behave myself and give others the opportunity. Blessings from Costa Rica
On 10/13/2008, Gayle said ...
“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” Henry David Thoreau
Take good care of yourself, Gayle
On 10/13/2008, PHyl said ...
Well, am I ever PROUD of you, Susan!I wondered just HOW long you could/would push your body to get done all the things you accomplished every day and week and month!I also live with daily chronic bone/muscle pain and HATE to have to give up doing/participating in all those things we love to do. BUT:I also learned the hard way to let a lot of things go, and reap the benefits, both mental and physical.We're the same age and push to "do it all"; I'm so happy you're going to let yourself slow down...your body and mind will let you feel MUCH better!And hey, you'll have more energy to blog your good advice to others who wish they could "scale back" a little bit!Onward,
but at our own pace, girlfriend!God bless us, every one!
On 10/13/2008, Teresa said ...
Sounds like a plan to me and I hope you stick to it.
On 10/13/2008, Liz said ...
Good for you Susan. These things should be done around your schedule anyway... pain or no pain. I'm really sorry to hear that your struggling with it though. Please keep us posted, and please feel free to vent if you need to. We're all pulling for you.
On 10/13/2008, hunnybunny said ...
Can I just say I am so excited for you, seriously reading this brought me the biggest smile. It's so hard to see limits sometimes, I know for me I kept trying to cut back the clutter in my home. It only made it harder to maintain no matter how much I got rid of it was still there. Then we moved to a place half the size of our old one, I had to simplify to the extreme, but it was easy. I am SO much happier now. It took that extreme for me to "get it" I'm so happy you are finding your balance as well. You are sure to feel relieved soon.
On 10/13/2008, Sharon said ...
As a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer, I know where you're coming from, Susan. I finally had to say "enough" 2 years ago and gave up running and participating in a huge craft fair for our local high school. I took care of it for 20 years and guess what, when I "retired" they found other people to carry the load and it's still running. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first or else your quality of life becomes zilch. Good for you for taking control of your life back.
On 10/13/2008, Nicole said ...
When I got serious about taking some "down time", it lasted over a year. In retrospect I feel so fortunate to have had that time to choose my activities rather than to have them imposed upon me by others. Then I got my mojo back and spent the entire summer cranking out quilt tops I can't afford to have quilted! That was a clear sign (as well as my depleted bank account) that maybe I needed to go back to work. The important thing is to pay attention to that inner voice and do what feels right for you!
On 10/13/2008, Lala said ...
Hi Susan!!! I hope by simplifying things the fibro calms down a bit... stresses always bring on the aches... I learned a few years ago that "No" wasn't a bad word... and that people wouldn't like me any less for using it... :o) I find that doing what I can (and WANT) to do has made life less painful, Much easier... and ultimately much happier (for everyone)
Feel better!
Lala :o)
On 10/13/2008, Kai said ...
You already know I relate because I have Lupus & its common 'bonus' companion, Fibromyalgia. I have been so determined NOT to allow it to beat me, I've beaten myself. I believe, as I told you via an earlier email, that women especially tend to over-extend ourselves because we think we are 'supposed to.' I am going to follow your lead, my friend, and love myself enough to know my limits. THANK YOU!
On 10/13/2008, sherri said ...
You go girl! Relax and enjoy it too! I too have the nasty fibro and Ive learned from many that you need to keep going but just a little at a time will do it.
You have my continued prayers and blessings,
On 10/13/2008, Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said ...
Susan, it sounds like you made some great decisions this weekend. It is so easy to fill our lifes full of stuff...keep overly busy and then find we are not enjoying it! I think I should take a lesson from you.
Hugs,
Penny
On 10/13/2008, Julia Wood said ...
Yay you! You deserve a break -We missed you today, but you were exactly where you needed to be!
On 10/14/2008, Joan said ...
It's good when one recognises things to cut back on before our health suffers. When I first retired I started this and that and then i realized that I was exhausting myself when I had all the time to do the things I really wanted too.So now I look carefully at the diary before I commit myself to something
On 10/14/2008, quilterpolly said ...
It is ok to realize that you do really need to listen to your body. you can do a little but when the body says ok take a break take a break...My prayers are with you. I love Beth Moore...she has a way of putting you in check doesn't she? take care:)
On 10/14/2008, Lallee said ...
Susan, I am so sorry for your pain. I know so many women who share having fibromyalgia woes. It sounds like you are making wise choices. I am trying to cut back some things for this season too for other reasons. We can be very hard on ourselves and then we miss enjoying the important things. Thank you for reminding me I am on the right track for myself ;-)
On 10/14/2008, Beverly said ...
Susan, I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it. I've learned years ago that I need to remember to pace myself. Nothing is fun when your body is screaming at you. Kudos to you!!!
On 10/15/2008, Lori in SD said ...
Fibro. What can I say? I know all that you are going thru. Line up all those commitments--chose 10 and then narrow it down to 3. I find I get half what I plan to get done. Leave time for friends and family. Leave time for yourself because you will NEED those days.
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So a while ago, the doorbell rings and Sophie is on her feet barking like mad, which she does every time the doorbell rings. We hear a voice from the front porch say, "Calm down, Sophie. It's just me." Now when Shane the mailman rings the doorbell, it's a sure sign somebody has a package that won't fit in the mailbox. This package was for me.
