"What's that she's got now, Sophie?" --Skipper
***
OK, guys, here's the deal. Mama's got a brand new table for her Featherweight sewing machine. Loretta and some other girls had their's at retreat, and I wanted me one. Mine has just arrived and it, oh yeah, has to be assembled--or at least partially assembled. So if you two can't help, at least stay out of my way. 'kay?
It's called a SewEzi Portable Sewing Table. It comes in a handsome bag and everything.
You see, most of it is already assembled. I just have to attach the tray that holds the sewing machine and we'll be ready to roll. Let's go, guys.
The instructions say to add four of these little spacers on top of each of the "hangers" to make the tray be at the proper height for the Featherweight. OK.
Shoot! What's this? A little alan wrench (or is it allen wrench?). I hate those things. They're made for wee folk with tiny fingers.
Wow! That only took me a few hours to accomplish, what with all the fibromyalgia and carpel tunnel and back problems and a horrible cold and all--not to mention both innate and acquired clutziness.
Uh oh! But look. The sewing machine sits too deep in the well of the table. There's a gap there big enough to push Skipper through! Do y'all see that? What the hey?
***
"Oh no, I'm not looking. No way. Better duck, Skipper. She's gonna blow!" --Sophie
"Blow what?" --Skipper
***
Now what do I do? What the crabapple do I do now???? OK, I know. I'll send off an angry email to the company and demand that they solve this problem. After all, this table wasn't really cheap. A little customer ire should solve my problem.
***
"Could I possibly have a treat now?" --Skipper
***
OK, so the angry email is sent. Now I'll just sit here and wait to hear from them. I'll bet heads are rolling at the EzeSew place. (Time lapse while my brain gets a second wind.)
Hmmmm. You know I think my problem is that I put in all four of those spacers. That's what's making the machine sit too deep in the well. If I take one off of each of the four hangers, that should work. But of course that means dealing with that danged allen or alan wrench again. Well, no help for it if I want my table to work. Anyway, those people at SewEze (or was that EzeSew? Hey, I probably wrote to the wrong company!) haven't answered my righteously angry email yet.
Well that was even more difficult than the first time I did it, but the tray is reattached now, sans one layer of spacers, so now my Featherweight should be just the right height.
Well, no, it isn't. In fact, I can't tell any difference. Maybe I should do some calculating. Let's see. The sewing machine is approximately 1/4"-3/8" too far down in the well. The little spacers are, let's see, 3 mm in thickness, so the instructions say. So that means if I eliminate, what, one more--or is it two more?
Hey, doggies, did y'all know that millimeters will not translate into inches? OK, so I'll just eliminate another layer of spacers. That should do the trick.
Well, the operation of the alan/allen wrench is getting a little easier, but the sewing machine still doesn't fit.
***
"Hey, little brother, I'm telling you. If you're smart, you'll forget about treats and hide. This is not looking good." --Sophie
***
IT STILL DOESN"T FIT!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Can you believe this *&$%#*???? IT STILL DOESN'T FIT!!!
***
"MOVE OVER, CHINA! HERE I COME! Yike Yike Yike Yike Yike!"
--Skipper
***
I'm doing this one more time and that's it. If it still doesn't work I'm going to follow my late daddy's example and throw the whole entire thing out the window. (I inherited my patience from my daddy.)
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. (That's the advice my friend Stuart gives me when I'm about to blow.) A few more deeeeeeeep breaths. OK. Here goes. I can do this.
Oooph. OUCH! Oooops. Uh oh. Dang it! Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep. THERE! It's done. Done is done. Done all it's gonna get done. If this adjustment doesn't work, I'm throwing in the towel.
***
"Hey, Soph, come on down here with me. We'll be safe here. Hey, how 'bout grabbing that roll on your way down." --Skipper
***
Well, now it's almost the proper height. They say that close only counts in horse shoes. Well, this time close is counting in assemblage of a sewing table. If I ever get over this ordeal, I might take it apart again and remove that last layer of spacers. I bet it will be exactly right then. Why does everything have to be so unnecessarily difficult?
Now I'm going to run a tub of hot water and pour a glass of cold wine and chill my tired self out for a while.
Anybody seen Frick and Frack? Hey, guys, where are y'all? Hey, doggies, anybody want a treat? Hmph. Guess not.
***
ADDENDUM: A very nice lady just telephoned me from the SewEzi Company. It turns out I wasn't supposed to use ANY of the little white spacers. MOTHER OF MARMADUKE!!!! Can you believe that? I was a little embarrassed by my evil email and didn't ask her then why the hay fork were they included in the package, and why did the instructions say to add them. I just wanted to get off the phone.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 02/22/2011, Ruth said ...
What an entertaining time you've had Susan! Love the story with the doggies in it. Hope they got that treat.Your sense of humour is still intact, Thanks for sharing.
Ruth
On 02/22/2011, Mama Pea said ...
Okay, I am seriously rolling on the floor with laughter. You are the funniest thing. Your story is so cleverly put that I could just picture the whole thing! Wish I lived closer. I actually love putting stuff like that together and would be glad to have helped you. You just crack me up. You aren't old enough to be my grandmother (or maybe better put, I'm too old to be your granddaughter), but all my grandma's are gone now. I would love to be your granddaughter and help you more! And to just hang out with you. I love your sense of humor.
On 02/22/2011, Nancy said ...
I LOVE my SewEZI table... I take it everywhere...can't wait to pack it up for retreat in two weeks...
Love the story...Don't you wish there was a way to "take back" an email right after you hit send?
On 02/22/2011, Theanne and Baron said ...
Funnnnnnnnny! Did you take out the last of the spacers?
On 02/22/2011, Donna said ...
Susan, You made me laugh ... I am sorry, but you did. We all get frustrated with things you have to put together and I often want to throw things out the window.
I like your table. I need to get one for my Featherweight ... could you put it together for me? Just kidding!
Your babies are so sweet! When I am down and feeling bad my babies can always bring a smile to my face. My doggie has been digging to China or trying to dig a basement for her doggie house!
I am glad you have everything resolved with the table! Have a glass of wine for me ... okay?
Hugs,
Donna
On 02/22/2011, Susan Ramey Cleveland said ...
Stephanie, I'd love to be your grandmother--you're very young grandmother. :-)
On 02/22/2011, Joanne Cage said ...
If you want to read something "too mad to cuss," see my blog for today.
On 02/22/2011, Kathy said ...
I am laughing, (just a little) about your situation! I hope you can now enjoy sewing at your table. I picked one up from a quilt show when sew-ezi had a booth at the Minnesota Quilt Show. I was able to wheel it off the floor because it was the show demo! I remember I had to call back the lady that sold it to me, because I needed to readjust it for 2 different sewing machines after I got it home. They have the white spacers and they have some purple boosters so that it is easier to convert the table for different machines. This way you make the white spacers fit for your deepest machine and use the purple risers to make lower profiles be at the correct sewing height. I think it's a great table now!
On 02/22/2011, Deb P. said ...
I'm so sorry you had such a time with that table, but honestly, you made me feel so much better! Laughter IS the best medicine! Go sew something pretty now!
Hugs....
On 02/22/2011, Susan Ramey Cleveland said ...
Not yet. Need just a wee bit more recovery time before I start that again.
On 02/22/2011, Brenda Kula said ...
Don't think I'd have gone anywhere near that putting together deal. I can't follow directions worth piddly. Love the dog pics! Sweet thangs!
Brenda
On 02/22/2011, Barbara Anne said ...
I sure hear you! WHY don't instructions accurately INSTRUCT these days???
Part of my afternoon has been spent with DS2 trying to put together some sort of German made thing (and I'm a good part German myself)and my question is so when the HECK did those anal-retentive folks stop including detailed to the max instructions in their products??? PULEEEEEZE! We've had this thing partially together 3 times and each time find we should have done something A before we did something B. We got that information on-line and no thanks to the company who made this expensive thing. Grrrrrrrr!
Congrats on seeing the aggravation to it's end and to telling the company their instructions are misleading.
Hope the folks in China send Sophie and Skipper back!
Some wine is in my near future, too.
I have dibs on AMIL's featherweight that belonged to her dear mother.
Hugs!
On 02/22/2011, Jan Smith said ...
So funny! But, seriously, why were they in the package to begin with?! Oh well, I hope you enjoy your new table.
On 02/22/2011, Pat McDonald said ...
Soooo funny!!!! If Skipper and Sophie are as smart as I think they are.......they won't come out from hiding for a long while. Have a relaxing evening.
On 02/22/2011, Gael tino said ...
lol..po doggies! Opps, I mean po YOU! I have the Sew table also, and its set at the height for another machine, so I put 2 books in the "well" to make the correct height for my FW...Thats my story and Im stickin to it...
Take care,
Gael
On 02/23/2011, Diane W said ...
Loooved the story!!!!. Felt like I was right there with you watching and snickering when you weren't looking. Sorry you had trouble putting your table together. Iam not very good at stuff like that either. DH cannot understand how I can cut and sew 100's of little triangles and then sew those into a quilt but I don't have the patience to put together or fix little things like bookcases or sewing tables. Have a good day.
On 02/23/2011, Susan Ramey Cleveland said ...
I was thinking that same thing yesterday, Diane, while I was wrestling with that little table. How is it, I asked myself, that I can make a quilt, which is made up of hundreds of tiny little parts, but when it comes to reading instructions for assembling something hard (as in not soft like fabric), I feel like my brain is on a merry go round?
On 02/23/2011, AnnieO said ...
Too funny! The doggie portion was even funnier! I bought an unassembled sewing desk that came in about eight boxes with a hundred pieces of hardware. Took three tries and the help of two men and a drill to get that sucker together last year...and the air lift was set a teeny tiny bit too low for my machine. I wedged some cardboard under the machine to fix it!
On 02/23/2011, Susan Ramey Cleveland said ...
Oh Annie, I would never have survived that experience.
On 02/23/2011, Debra said ...
Funny gal and funny story!
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Some of you asked where you could get one of the cute quilter's pins that I bought from a guild friend a couple of weeks ago. I finally have her e-mail address. So if you will e-mail me at suscleve@aol.com if you're interested, I'll send you her address so you can get in touch with her. Her name is Debbie.
