I'm feeling a little sad today. I sold Vann and Sophie's 4-wheeler this morning. I thought I was going to be all right to let it go, but when Dave drove out of the driveway with it, the tears snuck up on me and started flowing.
I sold it to one of Vann's good friends. He had told Phillip that it would be an honor to him to be able to own Vann's 4-wheeler. But at the time, just after Vann's death, there was no way I could start getting rid of Vann's things. As hard as it is now, I know I couldn't have done it then.
Anyway, Dave, told me to go upstairs before he drove away. And I did. But I peaked as he was driving out of the driveway. It reminded me of the many many times I have seen Vann drive out of the driveway carrying Sophie for their neighborhood patrols. That's when the weeping began. So I got Sophie and we went for a walk. By the time we got back home, I was mostly all right.
I'm going to give some of Vann's clothes to a local organization that provides food and clothing for needy people. There is so much need these days, and I'm thinking of it as a memorial to Vann. I know he would approve. He was a very practical sort of guy. And the clothes will be put to good use.
But at all your urgings, I will keep all his things (or at least enough) that are suitable to make a memorial quilt. My friend, Debra, has offered to help. She does amazing machine embroidery and says she has some wildlife/outdoor designs that would work well as a theme since Vann was a hunter and fisherman and loved the outdoors.
So the soup's ready in the crock pot, I have plenty of sewing to do, and the Alabama/LSU game is on at 2:30. And it's a beautiful sunny day. I think I'm going to be all right.
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On 11/07/2009, Anna said ...
Vann would have been pleased to have you give his things to be re used and recycled. Some things will be harder to let go- you will know when you are ready to part with them. I think your memorial quilt is a lovely idea. Do the things that give you comfort on your journey. Celebrating Vann's life is the highest honor you can give him. Sending you a big cyber hug.
Warmest regards,
Anna
On 11/07/2009, Marilyn said ...
You will find peace in donating some of Vann's things to
people who have a need . Just from reading your blog
it seems to be exactly the thing he would want you
to do. A quilt is an excellent idea and I'm sure it
will be grand. Prayers and hugs to you, enjoy the game.
Marilyn
On 11/07/2009, pokey said ...
I'm sending happy thoughts your way, Susan! Enjoy your game, and your company with Sophie, of course! Our doggies are such good company, aren't they? *smile* pokey
On 11/07/2009, Debra Spincic said ...
Everything takes time and comes when you are ready. I know that if Wes died today the first thing I would sell would be his boat. While I enjoy being on it, it's really all about him. Your solution to buy a golf cart will be a swell ride for you and the Sophie dog. Getting out in the neighborhood is probably much easier in a golf cart than an ATV. We use our golf cart alot more around here for other things than golf!
We'll make a grand memorial quilt--you just wait and see!
Sending love,
Debra
On 11/07/2009, Kelly Ann said ...
sending hugs to you and petting to Sophie..
On 11/07/2009, sherri said ...
You have my prayers and are in my thoughts almost daily. Blessings
On 11/07/2009, Sandy said ...
I admire your strength. Your life is a testimony to others in the way you have handled things since Vann's death. May God's peace be with you always. Enjoy the soup!!
On 11/07/2009, Libby Dillard said ...
I'm praying for you!! That picture of Vann and Sophie on the 4-wheeler is one of my favorites!
On 11/07/2009, Nancy said ...
I can just visualize you and Sophie snuggling down together in front of the TV wrapped up in a treasured memorial quilt. What a beautiful idea. Okay, I've been staring at the picture of Vann and Sophie and reading and re-reading your post...darn...where are my tissues!!! I gotta go find my them, you have truly tugged at my heart strings. I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you gentle hugs.
On 11/07/2009, Barbara Anne said ...
Ah, dear Susan, as my Grandam used to say, "Tears show clear what the heart holds dear."
I imagine your tears weren't the only ones flowing today. Dave probably shed a few he didn't want you to see.
There's no hurry to sell or give away anything of Vann's that you're not ready to part with no matter who says it's time. I applaud your thought to help the needy with the many clothing items of Vann's that are not suitable for a quilt, a pillow, or a cushion for you or for one of the kids. Some things you may keep for the rest of your life as my mother did with a few of my father's belongings. That's as it should be if you want to. As always, listen to your heart.
Sending big hugs!
On 11/07/2009, Donna said ...
I know how hard it would be for me to part with Amber's things. I have had a bad day today missing her. I know how you feel :(
I am glad you are saving some things for a quilt. You can snuggle in it!
As far as the ATV he would have been glad you sold it to one of his friends.
Blessings and Hugs
On 11/07/2009, Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio & The Comforts of Home said ...
I know this is a very hard thing to do. But, as you said, Vann would totally agree with the way you are doing it. It will be very special to have a memory quilt....
Hugs to you and Sophie,
Penny
On 11/07/2009, Lynda Green said ...
I have quietly read about your journey through Vann's illness and passing, and greatly admire your openness in grieving. After the loss of my niece in a car accident, I had my sister pick out all of her favorite clothes and made a quilt from the t-shirts.. but first made every family member a bag with a variety of pieces. My sister has found that the bag is one of her sources of rememberance as she can carry it with her on up and down days and enjoy the textures that were last worn by her daughter.
On 11/07/2009, Jan said ...
You did great Susan! Vann would be sooooooo very proud of you :) It must have been a terribly difficult thing to do, but you did it and it is now behind you :) You definitely don't need the 4 wheeler at your house to keep Vann's memory alive in your heart cuz he'll always be there, come rain or shine, night or day, 24/7; and I continue to pray that the memories you have will bring you a great amount of comfort :) Wonderful idea on the quilt!!!
On 11/07/2009, Lori Jenkins said ...
Suz - I would love to help with the quilt if you'll let me. It would be an honor! All the sewing you've been doing lately has given me the sewing bug, too! We love you and that funny black dog of yours...lots! L, G, C & D ;-)
On 11/07/2009, Pat said ...
A memory quilt is a wonderful way to keep wrapped up in tribute his life, love and memories.
On 11/08/2009, Rian said ...
Aw, Sweetie, that must have really been hard. You'll be okay. It may not seem like it now, but you will.
On 11/08/2009, Courtney Short-Prudhomme said ...
It is most certainly understandable for you to shed a few tears - it was only September when he passed.. and I imagine throughout your years here that will happen from time to time.. I agree with what someone else said - take your time.. there is no rush to get rid of things until you are ready.. and I LOVE the idea of a memorial quilt.. *hugs to you and Sophie from me and Harli*
On 11/08/2009, Nicole said ...
My sisters and I left my mother's things just as she had them for five years after she passed away. We just couldn't bear to disturb them. Believe me, our friends and family thought we were very weird. Finally, our beloved house maid urged us to tackle the project and two of my sisters and I dove in with her help. There were laughs and tears and many bags donated to the thrift shop. Dad got some much needed closet space, and I got some lovely shoes (my feet were the same size as Mom's). We still haven't gone through her jewelry drawers, but what's the hurry? Everyone does this process at their own pace.
As for the four wheeler, I am sure Vann would have wanted it to be put to good use rather than sitting around getting dusty or rusty.
On 11/08/2009, Kai said ...
You are an amazing & strong woman, Susan! I know Vann is EXTREMELY proud of you! We ALL are! My suggestion - go as slowly as YOU need to go in giving things away. All things happen when they are MEANT to. That includes 'letting go.' I am thinking of you, admiring you, keeping you in my prayers, & ALWAYS loving you!
On 11/08/2009, Beverly said ...
Bless your heart. I know this must be so hard. But, I'll just bet that your Vann is smiling at how well his Susie is doing.
I know that you always make me smile.
On 11/08/2009, Laurie said ...
Hugs.
On 11/08/2009, Kerrie Marquart said ...
I thought my heart would burst from my chest reading your post. It hits too close to home with my hubby in his fourth year of fighting Multiple Myeloma cancer. Like you, I just cannot imagine myself going on without him. Our 50th Anniv. is coming up in Feb. Praying for a great celebration. Love, Kerrie
On 11/12/2009, monica said ...
I admire your strength and the love you carry in your heart, Susan.
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