Most of you probably know who Fly Lady is, that wonderfully organized lady who can teach you to get your home decluttered and in order in 15 easy minutes a day. She has such simple-sounding suggestions as: walk through your home with a garbage bag and choose 27 items to throw away, put them in the bag, tie it up, and toss it. Don't look back. In no time at all your house will be clutter free.
Here's another bit of Fly Lady wisdom: get dressed and wear lace-up shoes every day. (No pj days allowed here; and who wears lace-up shoes? I like my clogs.) And above all, SHINE YOUR SINK EVERY DAY. What is it with this lady and sinks?
I've tried many of Fly Lady's little tricks (except for the lace-up shoe thing--I'm not going there). And my house is still a cluttered mess. So I have penned this letter to Her Domesticitiness:
***
Dear Fly Lady:
I am a recent widow with fibromyalgia and back problems. When my dear husband passed in September, he left me with his lifetime of clutter. We were married for 15 years, but he had 63 years worth of stuff. He never threw away even so much as a scrap of paper as far as I can tell.
I used to be a fairly organized and neat person. But over the years of our marriage, I found that bringing up the subject of my husband possibly getting rid of a few things would bring nothing but tension and tears. When we married, I had a lovely little ranch style home. It became immediately apparent however that this house just wasn't big enough for the both of us. Vann's stuff completely took over the guest bedroom and all but one small closet where we kept all our clothes, his and mine. Every time I did laundry, I had to move tons of stuff from the utility room and stack it in the carport to get to the washer and dryer--then move it all back when I was done. In addition, Vann also rented a mini-warehouse where he stored most of his stuff.
We found and bought a much larger two-story house with a full basement. The basement, along with a couple of the second-story rooms, immediately filled up with the flotsam and jetsam of my husband's lifetime. Then through the years, piles of stuff began to form all over the living areas of our house. The living room, kitchen, and bedroom had permanent piles that dared not be interfered with. Little scraps of paper, old magazines, instructions booklets, paid bills, mail-order advertisements, catalogs, business cards, nuts, bolts, screws, pieces of unknown material found homes in piles both large and small all over our house. Not only was I not allowed to bother with these piles of stuff, I wasn't even allowed to discuss getting rid of any of them. The mere mention of the possibility of decluttering put Vann in a bad mood. It was like I was asking him to get rid of prized possessions.
Since my beloved husband's passing, Miss Fly Lady, I've tried your simple-sounding techniques to not much avail. For the past couple of months, I have attempted to get the upper hand on this clutter with the result that my home looks worse than it did when I began. Oh, I've dispensed with much stuff. Myriad boxes and bags filled with clothes, books, magazines, catalogs, and just plain trash have departed my home on their way to charities as well as the city dump. In addition, our son trucked off tons of tools, equipment, memorabilia, family heirlooms, and sports gear. But I swear, Fly Lady, you can't tell anything is missing.
My back is out, my legs are weak, my body is tired. Now my question to you is this: Would you just come over to my house and work your 15-minute wonders until my house is liveable again? I can sit here with my heating pad on my back and read a good book or watch a movie while you show me how it's done. Please Fly Lady. HELP!
Yours painfully,
Susan at The Yellow House
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Now that that's off my chest, I want to thank all of you for your patience and kind words. Please continue to leave comments on any post from January 14 on. I hope to be able to function by early next week. My back seems a little bit better today, and I'm counting on that feeling to continue. So maybe by Monday or Tuesday, I can draw for the 1000 Posts prize. I hope all of you are having a great weekend, and again, thank you all for your well wishes.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 01/16/2010, CarlaH said ...
Hi Susan, wouldn't it be great if she replied and offered to come over to work her magic? So glad the back is somewhat better but don't overdo - as you say the stuff has been piling up for 15 years of marriage not to mention the prior years and won't disappear overnight. So relax in a tidy corner with a cup of tea and a good book or some hand stitching with Sophie to watch over you.
On 01/16/2010, Debbie Price said ...
I understand what you are talking about. My husband is the same way that your Vann was. I don't think there is anywhere that he hasn't just dropped his things... the garage, even though he will say is my fault, has been cleaned of my stuff and is totally full of his things,so is the shed and the basement! His father is the same way; his father actually bought the house next door to his and has that full of 'stuff' also! Maybe it is an inherited trait....hopefully none of my daughters get it! It seems that every time I go to clean up or clear out, it just ends up elsewhere...it's always 'that could be used sometime, so we need to keep it'...it's enough to make you crazy...I wish I lived close to you...I'd come and help...at least if there were two of us, our backs wouldn't give out on us so fast! Keep resting...it will get done...and I never figured out the 'sink' thing either...if you wash your dishes, don't you wipe your sink?
Hugs from snowy Indiana...
On 01/16/2010, Debra Spincic said ...
I'd save the basement for 2011. Do you really need to go down there before then?
Want me to come over and help you? Say the word.
On 01/16/2010, Jane McCarthy said ...
Hi Susan, I too am married to a pack rat. His stuff I can't control, but I did move multiple stacks of papers off the dining room table and into the garage for Christmas. Didn't ask, just did it. One thing that's helped me keep things weeded out is to never say no when service organizations call to say they'll have a truck on the block. Even if I only have a few things, it helps to keep things moving! Good luck and take your time!
On 01/16/2010, Christine Althaus said ...
I can relate to your fibro and back troubles! Once you're feeling better, maybe take it one room at a time? Or a section of a room? If you've managed to de-clutter your immediate living space, the rest can be done a more leisurely pace. Sounds like you've made great progress so far. Take care!
On 01/16/2010, Donna said ...
I hope you are feeling better. Maybe the FlyLady will come visit you and when she finishes your house maybe she will come to mine :)
Blessings,
Donna
On 01/16/2010, Pati said ...
Susan,
I really hope that FlyLady comes through for you! But if not, maybe a couple of good friends would come over to help you for a few hours each week. Bribery with food almost always works! Don't try to do too much at one time, a room a month might be a good start. As you said it took him 63 years to accumulate the stuff and you can't declutter it all in a few months. Good luck to you my friend.
On 01/16/2010, Anna said ...
Cleaning stuff out is indeed a process- we rented a dumpster this past fall and got rid of lots of stuff that had accumulated f
for nearly 30 years.
Some of the hardest things to get rid of are books - but I did get rid of many many novels and toys and clothing. There is still stuff but we have made progress. I expect you have made more progress than you think-
In time, you will get it organized the way you want-
Fly lady has her ways and the rest of us have ours- :O) We all do the best we can ...
In the meantime, rest your back and put up your feet with a good book.
Warmest regards,
Anna
On 01/16/2010, Deb said ...
Susan, I so adored reading your letter to the Fly Lady. I wouldn't just let us read it though, do send it to her and wait for a reaction. I know what you mean about clearing things out and actually making more piles as you go. I think the only way to go is to not sort, just throw. Just ensure you have important papers YOU need put away prior.
hugs Deb
On 01/16/2010, Chris P said ...
I love your letter. My parents were collectors and when my father died last year-it took weeks to get through everything. And they lived 3 1/2 hours away. I am now slowly getting rid of stuff in my house so my kids don't have to do it. I hope your pain eases and you can get back to your sorting-just don't do too much at once!
On 01/16/2010, Kerrie said ...
Susan, "Fly Lady" probably has a maid!LOL! Hope your pain goes away pronto and you are as good as new! hugs, Kerrie
On 01/16/2010, Barbara Anne said ...
Oh, honey! It's the same here. Either it's a gender issue with aging males or Vann and DH were long-lost twins (if twins can be 5 years apart in age, that is). You can thank your lucky stars that you didn't have the land available for Vann to build a 40'x40' metal building for a wood-working shop and slot car track. DH did have the land and did build the building.
In the true confession dept. I'm at fault in the extra furniture area. I have much of my grandmother's and almost all of my parent's furniture in this house or in the new barn. The new barn is not to be confused with the metal shop. DH's stuff has overflowed into the barn and all of the old barn. Glub, glub!
If the Fly Lady comes to your house, please send her here next!
Hope you're feeling better.
Hugs!
On 01/16/2010, Pokey said ...
It's always easier to carry the stuff in, one at a time. Why can't we do the same on the out-go?
On 01/16/2010, Lavender Dreamer said ...
I sure hope you get to feeling better soon. But don't worry about your house. I spend way to much time trying to keep mine neat and it's a losing battle. Take care of yourself!
On 01/16/2010, Dandelion Quilts said ...
Susan, I do hope you keep at it when you get feeling better. At some point, you will see a dent and it will empower you to go on. In the meanwhile, rest and feel better. I wish I lived closer, as I would come to your aid.
On 01/16/2010, Pat said ...
I am the pack rat. Recently I told my sister to get some books and take home with her - but don't let me see which ones you get! I couldn't part with them if I see them! Now that I'm retired, I also need Fly Lady. But look - she has wings... What does that tell ya? She's 1)Fast, 2)An Angel, 3)Both. If I had wings I wouldn't have to bend over; I could just fly low. I get one pile of junk mail stacked to go through and here comes the mail man again. That stack of library books I got? Still on the dining table. One day at a time... Love and prayers!
On 01/17/2010, Joan said ...
Susan I have the same problem here with my Hubby. I cannot discuss the papers etc piled up. I am a very tidy person but he cannot let anything go and doesn't sort through his things.He cannot find anything either!!
On 01/17/2010, Carol said ...
Susan, as hard as it is, don't do anything until you're feeling better. You must take care of yourself. Oh if I lived closer I'd come help. We'd do one little section at a time...one pile at a time. Please take care.
On 01/17/2010, Beverly said ...
Susan, I have to tell you and Barbara that it can't be the gender thing because my husband is anything but a pack rat. He is always trying to get me to get rid of things. They funny thing is that I am anything other than a packrat, too. And, some people think I am overly organized. The problem is my husband tries to get me to get rid of things I want.
I hope the fly lady lands at your house, and makes everything disappear. We could all come to your house and help you. If only we were all real neighbors.
Keep feeling better.
On 01/17/2010, Marie Evans said ...
Hi Susan, so glad your somwhat better. I can relate to your clutter problem as I was married before and for over 35 years he never parted with anything, Needless to say when I remarried I was so thrilled that DH doen't collect in fact he is always ready to help de-cluter anything, I feel so lucky. But you my dear friend are tackling the job and bring order to your home one day at a time, it will happen for you. Bless you. Hugs, Marie
On 01/17/2010, Tina said ...
Even in your pain you have not lost your sense of humor. One of the things I love about you.
On 01/17/2010, Rian said ...
Oh my. I had a sneaking suspicion this was going on over at Blackberry Creek when you kept writing about de-cluttering. That would drive me crazy. Both my husband's parents and mine were clutter people and they left their myriad collections of crap to their children to dispose of. Ergo, neither J nor I have much clutter. J still has every birthday and Father's Day card ever sent to him, he has a too-tall stack of travel brochures, and his desk is often messy, but that's the extent of it. Best wishes to you. I don't envy you your task.
On 01/17/2010, Gayle said ...
I too am a huge fan of FlyLady! Please let me know if she comes over ;-)!
On 01/17/2010, Kai said ...
Fly Lady???? I am not familiar with her, but also can't get into those lace-up shoes. I don shoes ONLY if I'M freezing (socks & fuzzy slippers) or if I'm going somewhere (SAS sandals - I have 10 pair - all colors, all bought in 1993 on the same day) BUT NO LACE-UPS! I think the 15 minute idea is a good one, but only if things are already basically organized. I LOVE your letter AND your suggestion that she go organize for you! You GO, Susan. Put up or shut up, Ms. Fly Lady! LOL!
On 01/17/2010, Dandelion Quilts said ...
I've been thinking that you should contact Clean Sweep, the show.
On 01/18/2010, LaurieC said ...
Love your post - you described my husband to perfection! Take it easy and feel better!
On 01/19/2010, Denise West said ...
Well, FlyLady may refer you to a local organizational specialist that drives a truck up like they do with Hoarders. I've been watching some of the episodes and it terrifies me to have 1/10 of a hoarders gene pool going on here.
I think clutter is like noise that makes us crazy and not restful. I too fight Fibro and with my meds and 2 years of fighting it is finally subsiding.
You have to rest between what I call "archeological digs." And, like many suggest before me just pick your fav spots and clear that out and enjoy the victory.
I'm sorry for you to deal with this. I'm always working on my issues because I don't want someone else to have to do it.
Blessings to ya!!
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