"Integrity means doing the right thing,
even when it's not convenient."
~~Capt. Chelsey "Sully" Sullenberger
Neither of the fellows in the photo above is Capt. Sulley, but either one of them could have uttered that quote. My friend Tina posted the quote on her Facebook page this morning, and it reminded me so much of Vann, and also of our dear friend Paul. The photo was taken last Halloween, before we knew how sick Vann was, at the neighborhood Halloween trunk-or-treat gathering. Paul and Vann made chili. That's what's in that big pot.
I might have told you already that we have a sort of a tradition in the neighborhood that I have dubbed Happy Hour--spontaneous gatherings, usually in Paul's driveway, most evenings in good weather at twilight. Sometimes these gatherings go on into the night. Often they last only an hour or so.
Last night, Paul decided to move Happy Hour to his beautiful patio in back of his house. He had built a roaring fire in his outdoor fireplace, and he served us nachos. I brought a plate of brownies for dessert. There were about 15 neighbors and four doggies, including Sopie and Daisy, present. It was a good gathering for us all, but there was one who was very conspicuous by his absence whose presence was sorely missed: Vann. Talk frequently turned to stories of Vann. At one point Paul took me aside and told me how much Vann had meant to him and that he and Karen were still there for me and that they loved me. Another neighbor and good friend of ours had just told me the same thing a day or two ago.
I cannot write how much those assurances mean to me. I love my neighborhood, and I love my friends, the friendships Vann and I shared that I want so much to preserve. When I found out just how far the family disputes of the past month have spread, it saddened me that these precious friends had been put in the middle of a personal matter and feel that they are being asked to make choices. I hope I have assured at least some of them that no choices are required from me. I love them all, and that's all that matters.
I try to remember that I'm not the only one who lost Vann, so many people did. Each one of them grieves his passing, and not all of us handle grief the same way. Nothing he left behind--no personal property, money, nothing--is as important to me as preserving the legacy of integrity and loyalty that he spread wherever he went. I hope and pray that will become the most important thing to all of us, that rifts among family and friends will heal with the passing of time. That is Prayer No. 1 this sabbath morning.
Thank you, all my friends and neighbors, no matter how near or far, for helping me to live by the strength of my convictions.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 10/11/2009, Beverly said ...
There are definitely times in our lives that show us who our friends are and who truly cares about us. The numbers of those caring about you and Vann are many because you each gave so much.
I definitely believe that we reap what we sow.
On 10/11/2009, Debra Spincic said ...
I believe the same as Beverly: You reap what you sow.
You can't always pick your family but you can sure pick your friends. It sounds like you and Vann have picked well.
Sending love,
Debra
On 10/11/2009, Ruth Landon said ...
What a lovely post Susan. Vann's memory is the most important thing. You are lucky to have such dear friends who also cherish Vann's memory and all that he stood for.
Ruth
On 10/11/2009, Tina said ...
I'm honored that my post brought on such wonderful thoughts of a wonderful man. God bless you.
On 10/11/2009, CarlaH said ...
Susan, I am so glad that you have those good friends and neighbours to help you during these sad days. My brother was widowed two years ago and as much as family tried to be there for him (we're a bit far away) it was his neighbours who looked after him on a regular basis and still do - sounds a lot like your neighbourhood with impromptu get togethers. As Debra says we can pick our friends but not our families - hopefully the rift will heal with time so that the family can join together in celebrating the memory of Vann, the good father and husband that he was.
On 10/11/2009, Barbara Anne said ...
Hi Susan,
Your stories about the neighbors gathering at Paul's driveway, then patio reminded me of our years in seminary housing (the Holy Hovel) when available adults gathered under the "coffee tree" to chat and the kids played. Outdoors was really, really larger than indoors! Where ever two or more are gathered...
I'm glad you're surrounded by God's kind of love in the faces of your neighbors. Vann is missed among you all, but you can be snug in knowing they keep him in memory, too.
Blessings and hugs!
On 10/11/2009, Pokey said ...
God bless you, Karen, for sharing your love so deeply. God will be honored. Now, where did I put my tissues? :-} pokey
On 10/11/2009, Rian said ...
That's so special. How nice to have such fine neighbors.
On 10/11/2009, Donna said ...
It is times like these that shows us who are our "real" friends. I know I have found out in the last couple of months.
Vann's legacy will live on.
On 10/11/2009, Linda J.W. said ...
My Prayers and HUGS are on your way,I have always tried to treat people the way I would wont to be treated.I always said that if I could be as half person as my Mother was I would be happy.Everyone that met her loved her she was a special Lady and that is what most of her friends called her Lady.She was a happy and loved Lady.I know that Vann was a special Man and loved
Linda W.
On 10/11/2009, Pat said ...
Sounds as though you have such a good support group - your neighbors. How wonderful to be so close and share friendships. It is difficult to wait for healing but praying it will happen...
On 10/11/2009, mandy storey said ...
Hi Susan, I am so pleased you have so many friends and support around you...Memories to share and people you can talk to to keep Vann"s memory alive...Thank you for the comments you leave me, they mean so much knowing we are on the same journey at this time...
Blessings and many prayers
Mandy
On 10/12/2009, Nicole said ...
Thoughtful post Susan. Vann left quite a legacy of character.
On 10/13/2009, Kai said ...
Seeing pictures of Vann always makes me happy because his soul shines in his eyes. AND he looks like he HAD to be the best, best hugger! I hope with all my heart that the uproar among some family members & friends will soon be settled. Either THAT, or they will EACH take some quiet moments to realize how shameful that kind of behavior is and give themselves a good shaking. I love you, Susan, and I am so glad YOU are well-grounded. Vann is smiling at you!
-----
No comments:
Post a Comment