"I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again" --Joan Rivers
She hasn't been here to clean since Vann went into the hospital in August. With only me and Sophie to clean up after now, I was planning to tell Linda that I was going to take over all the cleaning again. But I've had to admit that I need her just as much now as ever.
I remember a time, doesn't seem so long ago, I could clean the whole house on a Saturday, upstairs and down. I'd be tired, I guess, but not incapacitated. Now I can run the vacuum and I have to lie down for the rest of the day.
Fibromyalgia would not be the problem that it is for me if I could just give up and go to bed, like my great aunt 'Rilla did. Of course, nobody knew what fibromyalgia was back then; everyone thought she was a hypochondriacal shirker. But I suspect now she had the same problem I do, and that's why her husband had to do all the housekeeping, shopping, and cooking while Aunt 'Rilla lay in bed and read mystery novels. Mama claimed Aunt 'Rilla could rally for a dance or a singing, but I can understand my aunt's desire to hold onto some of the fun things in life, even if it hurt. I've been known to often get my act together temporarily for a quilting bee or a book club meeting. Temporarily, I say.
Like yesterday--I went to my quilt guild meeting, figuring I could handle a morning of fun and socializing. After all the initial hugs and condolences, just getting through the three-hour meeting/program was not easy. But then when I got home, I was reminded that I'd promised to bake a dessert for my Walk to Emmaus Reunion Group meeting last night. Whereas all I wanted to do was go to bed at that point, I had to walk the dogs then get in the car and drive to the store to get baking ingredients. By the time I got to the store, however, I knew that baking was not an option. So I bought a bakery pound cake, took it by my friend's house, and told her I wouldn't be able to make the meeting. Lori and Greg were coming to pick up Daisy anyway, and I needed to be here when they came.
I find I'm in a constant battle with myself. My body wants to rest, all the time. There's never a moment when I'm not hurting and tired. Not even when I first get up in the morning--especially not then. But I'm not willing to give up everything I like to do for the sake of this stupid syndrome. It isn't even a disease, just a syndrome. How silly is that?
But I guess I am willing to give up housework--at least the heavy chores. Keeping Linda on will ensure that my house doesn't become a pig stye and also leave me a bit more energy for sewing and quilting. Anyway, after seven years, Linda's like part of the family. I'd miss her if she were gone.
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On 10/13/2009, Joyce said ...
Wow, Susan. Your description of how your body feels sounds eerily familiar. I spent all day yesterday in my recliner, unable to get much rest because of the pain shooting through my legs, arms and back. I find that one days like this, I want to sleep a lot. Like you, I have been unwilling to stop doing things that I have always enjoyed. I go and do anyway. But the older I get, the less energy I have and the less motivated I become. We are having a floor to ceiling cabinet (to be used as a pantry) installed in our laundry room. In addition, we are having the doors removed from our bottom kitchen cabinets and drawers put in so that accessing items below will be easier to get to. Unfortunately we will need to paint all the new additions and the thought of that is @#*! because I know how my body will feel for days afterward. Over the past 2 weeks I have color-washed 2 rooms and I'm sure that is why I am feeling like I do now. So, you have my sympathy, friend. I understand your desire to rest. I'm agreeable with your decision..... KEEP THE CLEANING LADY!!!
On 10/13/2009, Pat said ...
Your thoughts and feelings could very well have been expressed by me! As I said, I've not been diagnosed with fibro, but feel tired so much. The weekend trip I made took everything I had to make it. I don't have a cleaning helper right now, but have had. She's moved further away and doesn't drive, but I'm thinking even once a month it would be so worth getting up earlier to go get her. I just can't go and do like I used to and I refuse to think 61 is old - yet! But I guess I'm getting there. I too used to could do the whole house in a day where it takes me a week now. But we can't give up! Just do what we can, when we can - when we feel like it - and don't leave out the things that give us joy and contentment! The dust will just come back; the time won't. Bless you.
On 10/13/2009, Joanne said ...
I love the Joan Rivers quote. That's about my speed.
On 10/13/2009, Suze said ...
Susan..
have you considered going on a low carb diet to help the fibro? I also have fibro - most of the time I don't really think about the fibro but if I stray from the low carb lifestyle, it flares up...Also, add MSM to your diet...it was like coming out from behind a dark cloud..took a couple of weeks to work its magic but when 'good' days started being more plentiful than 'bad' days, I rejoyced...
As for the cleaning lady..if I had one I liked and trusted and could afford..I would keep her too!
On 10/13/2009, Loribelle said ...
Oh pishaw! You should've told me you had dinner plans and we could've made other arrangements for the Dukester. Although she did tell me that she had a good time at your house this weekend! Greg & I collapsed on the couch when we got home - Curtis in my lap and Daisy in Greg's. Funny how we seem to have "switched" dogs! I love our furry children and missed them both very much!
Is it wrong of me to want a cleaning helper so I can spend more quality time with my awesome husband? He's a great helper but I could think of many other things I'd rather be doing with him. (You went there, didn't you? ;-P ) Love you much, L, G, C & DD
On 10/13/2009, Diane said ...
Been thinking 'bout you lately. Glad you're still making rational decisions. Give up a good cleaning assistant? Never! I wish I had one but the good ones are as scarce as hen's dentures. I can't hand over the key to my castle to just anyone. Who knows what they might move or (gasp) throw away?
I was recaulking the bathtub last night. If I do that once a year, it makes up for any of the weekly scouring I missed. I mean we just stand in there to shower, for pete's sake. It's not like we can soak in that little thing. And getting out of it afterward is a distant memory.
On 10/13/2009, Jan said ...
I really hate that you're feeling so bad Susan. We have a family member that has fibromyalgia and she suffers an awful lot from it. Chronic illnesses are so hard, and I'm so sorry about yours :(
On a happier note, your Little Happy Jack Quilt below turned out great!!! I just love it and I sure hope he's making you smile as much as he made me smile :)
On 10/13/2009, Rian said ...
Getting older, I get tired and achy all over. I thought I might have Fibromyalgia, and even asked my doctor about it. But reading your description of how it feels, I know I don't have anything that even comes close. I just get tired and achy sometimes. Life is too short to spend it doing housework if you can afford the help. Even if your house isn't that dirty, she can help you with other projects when she comes. Besides, there's nothing like having the cleaning lady come to get you off your duff to pick up stuff around the house...
On 10/13/2009, Debra Spincic said ...
I think you need someone familiar in your life right now who can come by and do miracles. Keep Linda. She's probably worth more to you than you want to admit.
I've wondered about your fibromyalgia and if it is worse when you are stressed. Be gentle. Clean houses are overrated!
On 10/13/2009, CarlaH said ...
I most definitely agree - keep the cleaning lady - she's worth her weight in gold. I had a cleaning service when we had a larger home but my husband didn't like to have strangers around so I let the service go when we moved. I don't have any health excuses for not doing my cleaning on a more regular basis (I do do it don't get me wrong) - just don't enjoy it - doing the bathrooms does wear me out though.
Do what you enjoy when you can - our health is the most important thing we have.
On 10/13/2009, Donna said ...
Keep the cleaning lady! I wish I had one. I have been going thru things in our bedroom (we had our bedroom suite painted) and I am exhausted. I found things that Amber had made and it was difficult between laughing and crying to see so many things she made us as a child.
By the way I have posted about Amber on my blog today. Let me know if you read it.
Hugs, Donna
On 10/13/2009, blop said ...
KEEP THE CLEANING LADY!! Worth her weight in gold, just to take the pressure off.
My daughter has fibro extremely bad, so she moved to AZ and loves the heat (it really helps her) and also does weekly deep tissue massage (hurts like heck) but does help.
On 10/13/2009, Diva Kreszl said ...
I am so sorry that you are struggling so with your fibromyalgia...my best friend has been battling this for several years now. I know from her experience that stress can cause major flair ups and with all you've been through lately it's not surprising how bad you're hurting. Definitely keep the cleaning help, trying to do it all will only aggrevate your situation. Keeping you in my prayers!
On 10/13/2009, Barbara Anne said ...
Yep, Keep Linda! I applaud your conclusion that you still need her but wish you didn't have discomfort and fatigue as your reasons.
I'm there with you due to lupus. One hour's errand this morning to pick up my 3 little quilts from the quilter, then stood for an hour after getting home to trim the little quilts. I've been useless for the 4 hours since and have almost been to sleep in my chair. Bother!
It is annoying to the max to have to listen to your body limit what you can do or can do all in one stretch. Of course we've learned that pushing on isn't an option. For me, I'd soon feel like I'd hit a brick wall and it would take days to recover. Fortunately, cotton fabric will wait for us!
Be good to you and forgive yourself for what you cannot do anything to correct. Lord knows you're willing!
Hugs!
On 10/14/2009, Deb said ...
A fantastic decision Susan! You need to think about yourself and realise that you are number one.That is an extremely sensible choice made, don't second guess yourself at all.
On 10/14/2009, Kai said ...
Like everyone else, I am SO GLAD you opted to keep Linda! And, as you know, Lupus/fibro wears ME down, too. It just SUCKS not to be able to do all the things we used to do without giving it a single thought. But I figure it this way: I'm NOT going to let it steal all my fun! So THERE, you disagreeable old Lupus! And, HA, you nasty old fibro!
On 10/14/2009, Kai said ...
Hmmm ... I don't think your blog likes me anymore! WAAAAHHHH! I've posted comments three & four times lately that didn't go through & have had to try later. This is my third try on THIS post today. Naughty Typepad! LOL! All I said was that you know I deal with Lupus & Fibro so, like many of the others who've commented, I RELATE! I'm VERY glad you have Linda to do the cleaning so that you can do what's fun for YOU! I get frustrated at times when I find myself unable to keep up the pace I used to maintain. Then I check my grumpy self & remember I vowed NOT to let these things steal my joy! So I say, "A pox on you, Lupus! And on you as well, Fibro! Take THAT! BWAHAHAHA!" LOVE YOU, Susan! (You too, Sophie!)
On 10/14/2009, Gayle said ...
Love the quote! Take extra good care of yourself during this flare-up.
On 10/19/2009, Laurie said ...
I'm glad you're keeping Linda to help! Grieving in itself is exhausting, never mind your fibromyalgia. Spend your energy on the creative and enjoyable, right now.
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