I could hardly get out of bed this morning, I'm so distraught over McDonald's War on Thanksgiving. Actually I knew nothing about this Turkey Day assault until I walked into my local Mickey D.'s and discovered their coffee cups bear no turkey likeness.
In an effort to be politically correct and not offend vegetarians, vegans, and folks who just don't like turkey, McDonald's has opted to not include the time-honored turkey on their disposable coffee cups. Instead They will use turkey-poop brown cups with the word McCafe (what does that mean anway?), some kind of demonic symbol, and a warning that their coffee might be hot. (You will note that they failed to add the word DUH.)
This is obviously, as all Thanksgivians know, a direct attack on that hallowed gustatory event, invented by the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock when they all clapped their hands over their hearts, sang "The Star Spangled Banner," pledged allegiance to Old Glory, then chowed down on welfare food given to them by the native savages.
"Henceforth," declared President Reagan (who had been invited by the head Pilgrim) we shall repeat this practice every year and call it Thanksgiving."
"But only after we slaughter all these native savages or otherwise drive them from their land so we can have it, as Jesus intended," the Head Pilgrim reminded him.
We devout Thanksgivians are not going to stand for this brown paper cup sacrilege. We know it is just the first volley in what will no doubt be a nationwide War on Thankgiving. We will fight to protect not only our Thanksgiving paper goods but also our inflated lawn turkeys, our Autumn leaf door wreaths, and our inalienable right to say GOBBLE GOBBLE!
Wake up, America! It's time to take back our Turkey!
Note: if you have not yet heard of the Starbucks red cup atrocity, you might not get that this is satire. But it is.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 11/09/2015, Debbie Price said ...
I love you, Susan!!!
On 11/09/2015, Lynn said ...
LOL!
On 11/09/2015, Joan said ...
Love it!!!!!
On 11/09/2015, Barbara Anne said ...
Where is that rolling back and forth on the floor while hysterically laughing emoticon when you need it???????
My favorite day working in the ER was Thanksgiving when there were never less than 4 people who came in after dinner to complain they couldn't breathe when lying down. We weren't allowed to say "DUH!" :)
Big hugs!
On 11/10/2015, Little Penpen said ...
Hilarious!!! and I so agree with the silliness of the Starbucks thing!
On 11/10/2015, Debra said ...
You are a hoot today!
On 11/10/2015, Linda Heintz said ...
Well done, Susan. Highlights the silliness of the war on Starbuck's.
On 11/11/2015, Michelle said ...
Love this post! This is great!
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