I'm having a freak out here. Whenever I'm in the throes of a full-blown fibro flare, I have to resist panic. Maybe that goes along with the condition, I'm not sure. Ever since I've been dealing with this thing, whenever I have a severe flare, I feel this absolute acertainty that it will always be this way and I'll never feel better.
I know, of course, that isn't true. I know I'll have good days again. My brain knows that from experience. But that emotional uncertainty still locks in and I have to fight hard. It even makes me afraid to go to bed or spend too much time on the couch--afraid if I give in, that will be the end of my life as I know it. I'll become my Aunt 'Rilla, whom I saw only one time in my life out of her bed, at my grandmother's funeral. Or my friend who took to her bed a few years ago and has settled for that as her life. That's not the life I want.
So whenever the Fibromonster growls, I fight and fight and fight and get more and more exhausted and the pain gets worse. But in the end, FM wins, and I take up a prone position from which I barely move for a few hours. When will I learn?
Well, not today, it seems. I have already done a ton of housework (moaning and groaning throughout the process). I'm out of milk and yogurt and craving avocado, so I hope I have a few more hops in me. I'm planning to make a trip to the grocery store to stock up--but not to Walmart.
On a more pleasant topic than pain, exhaustion, and grocery shopping, blog reader Sandra C. wanted to know the name of the book from which I got the pattern for the wedding quilt. It's Garden Magic by Blackbird Designs.
I've had the booklet for a long time and don't even remember where I got it. It might well be out of print by now. But if you follow the link in the paragraph above, before the book gets sold, there's a copy of it on Ebay for sale. The booklet also contains a second pattern for a churn dash quilt.
Something has happened that I no longer get email notification of the comments on my blog. Well, no, that's not exactly true. Every now and then, I'll get an email on one of the comments. But for most of the comments, I don't.
I have corresponded with Typepad about this problem, but so far, they haven't been able to solve it. So if you have a question of comment that you really really want me to respond to, please email it to me at suscleve@yahoo.com.
Happy May Day to all. Rabbit Rabbit.
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On 05/01/2012, Joanne said ...
Suze - I'm so sorry for your pain, and sympathetic. My back and the corn on my toe dealt me misery during the Fairhope trip, so I looked horribler than unsual. To think you suffer most of the time like that, or worse, it must be very hard to endure. I'm praying for you, and I love you, little Susie.
On 05/01/2012, Barbara Anne said ...
Bless your heart and other parts - especially those that hurt or that give you the busy brain that frets no matter what the facts are. What a bummer!
Methinks that your determination to not be that person who has gone to bed like both sets of grandparents at the beginning of Willie Wonka is what will save you from that. Besides, there has got to be some choice involved in not getting up again, and you won't make that choice - Sophie and Skipper won't let you do that!
Happy May Day to you, too!
Hugs!
On 05/01/2012, Nancy J. in Utah said ...
Susan, I'm so sorry to hear you are in a bad flare up. My Scleroderma and Sjogrens Sydrome cause the very same issues for me when I get into a full blown flare up. BUT...about 2 years ago at one of my three month checkups and blood draws, I sat in the doctors office and said pretty much what you have said here. He got right in front of me, with a stern look in his eyes and said, (and I quote)"You have GOT to give in to the pain Nancy. It is your bodies way of telling you it needs rest. You need to listen to it and you absolutely must take time to rest and recoup, even if it is a few days. If you don't listen to your body, you will end up being non functional for more than just a few days." I have found that when my body says "hold up there" and I pay attention, my bounce back time is much, much shorter.
Though it is easier said than done when we have things we want and NEED to do, it truly has paid off for me in the long run. Hope you feel much better very soon. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hugs...
On 05/02/2012, Sandra Clarke said ...
Susan, Thanks so much for the info on the book. I tried to sign in to ebay and had forgotten pw and user name so after trying for about 15 min to no avail, I'll try again later; Sorry you are feeling poorly and hope you will soon feel much better.
On 05/02/2012, Teresa said ...
Take care, listen to your body and do what you need to do to feel better. I admire your determination to fight the pain, but I think Nancy J gave you some good advice.
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