I'm going to talk about animal sex now. So if you think you'll be offended, sign off immediately.
After Christmas, I brought Bentley Bear and his antique school desk upstair and set them in my office. The arrangement hasn't worked out too well. I think I'm going to have to move Bentley to the guest room, where he'll be all alone and lonely.
You see, the problem is Skipper. Skipper is in love with Bentley and has, from the very beginning of their relationship, been ready to indulge in intimacy of the most intimate type with Bentley's leg. Unless I keep a sharp eye on Skipper, Bentley ends up face down in the floor with Skipper making whoopie with the big guy's leg.
Poor Bentley.
Now I was a responsible dog owner and had Skipper's offending equipment surgically removed soon after the little fellow came to live here. Apparently, the absence of testicular do-dads hasn't assuaged his lovemaking desire, however. Bentley never had any testicular do-dads, just fake fur and stuffing, so I know it can't be his fault. The bear just wants to sit and stare at us and be left alone, with maybe an occasional pat to the head or shoulder.
I'm sure Bentley has told Skipper that he isn't interested in a same sex, interspecies relationship. But that little terrier is like one of those lounge lizards you sometimes encounter in bars who think they're just so cool that no woman could possible mean it when she says, "Buzz off, Jack." Skipper continues to be persistent in his ardor for Bentley.
So it's either move the bear or close the door when I'm in the office. And I know Skipper and his sister Sophie would never go for the closed door approach.
"I'm as horny as Kansas in August,
Dreaming of that bear at the top of the stair.
If you'll excuse an expression I use,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love with a big furry bear!"
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 04/05/2012, Julie in WA said ...
Susan, you have such a creative and expressive way of talking about the most delicate subjects! Great funny post! And poor Bentley. He's done nothing wrong and yet he is the one who gets punished.
On 04/05/2012, Julia Wood said ...
This is absolutely the funniest thing I've ever read! Well done!
On 04/05/2012, Trudy Abernathy Neill said ...
You have made my day, I am just laughing....poor dog, poor bear....:)
On 04/05/2012, Mary said ...
What a good laugh you have given me this morning. Great writing! My Lily has her "special teddy bear" for her own "pleasuring". So funny -- but not at first. Now I just say "go girl" and laugh. So, to Skipper - go boy!
On 04/05/2012, Barbara Anne said ...
What a hoot this post is! I'm still laughing although I'm sure you and Bentley have had more than enough of this horse-play from Skipper.
Is there any odorless-to-humans repellant your vet could recommend you use as Bentley's cologne to work as a Skipper deterrant?
Could Bentley lodge atop a tall piece of furniture, being too high up for Skipper to reach? Do you suppose Skipper would notice and scar the furniture in his climbing efforts or would Skipper forget Bentley?
Wishing you an imaginative and effective solution to this conundrum.
I have a bit of UFO progress this week!!
Hugs!
On 04/05/2012, Jan said ...
A dog's gotta' do what a dog's gotta' do! Would some outside digging time use up some of Skipper's "energy?" You have quite a dilemma here, Susan! What to do? what to do???
On 04/05/2012, Thelma said ...
LOL, I'm crying over here, what a funny post, thanks so much. My daughter's dog doesn't have any kibbles or bits but still likes to "romance his bed", if you get my drift. I feel for poor Bently, he seems like such a proud bear, oh the indignity of it all!
On 04/05/2012, Jan said ...
All I can say is....You ain't right, Susan!! Funniest thing I have read in a while.
On 04/05/2012, Gael said ...
Bah ha ha...u r too funny Susan! Maybe Skipper just has spring fever? Cabin fever?
Gael
On 04/05/2012, Donna said ...
You have me laughing for the first time today! Skipper is just too funny and poor innocent Bentley.
Hugs,
Donna
On 04/05/2012, Jo said ...
Susan, This is so funny. I needed a good laugh. Tell Skipper not to enjoy himself to much or all the fun will disappear. Maybe you should put Bentley in another room for a few days and shut the door just to see what Skipper will do. You know the old saying "Out of sight, Out of mind." Good luck.
On 04/05/2012, Pat said ...
Knew it had to be funny from the first line; of course, I didn't sign off... Hilarious! First time I've heard them called do-dads!
On 04/05/2012, Pat said ...
You know, come to think of it, after reading some of these - my Oscar does this to his blankie. At least that's what it looks like, but I think he just wants to fix it right so he can lay his head down on it. I finally stopped trying to make him leave it alone and just have his way with it. All he does is roll it up under him and finally plops down and sighs. He does love it, though. And, yes, his do-dads are gone, too.
On 04/06/2012, Caitlin R. Kiernan said ...
O.o
Testicular doodads? Aliens have abducted me mum.
On 04/08/2012, Lori in South Dakota said ...
Okay--that post gave me plenty of chuckles!
On 04/08/2012, LinzeyJoy said ...
Can you hear me laughing?
On 04/08/2012, Debra said ...
Funny! Oh so funny!
Immediately after dinner my Elmo has to go over and hump his pillow so we just ignore him. Well, kinda.
On 04/09/2012, Jan Maniatis said ...
oh my - these two posts just cracked me up!! So fun. Keep posting...
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