"Then kill me now. Go on, go, go into the ham, and take the carving knife. And stab me here, here!" --Livia Soprana, matriarch and drama queen of HBO's "Sopranos."
Man! I hate my current physical situation! I know this sounds like Livia Soprano drama, but I really and truly do hate to be a burden. I don't like people waiting on me. Unlike Livia, I mean it! (Also unlike Livia, I would never put out a hit on one of my children--although I do sometimes understand the temptation. But I digress.)
My aversion to sitting around while others do my work is why I haven't listened to family and friends when they tell me to take it easy, call them if I need something moved or cleaned or walked or whatever. My motto, if I have one, has always been, "I can do it myself."
I still have the pain this morning, but the meds are working better than they did yesterday. I promise that I will not overdo this time when I get to feeling better. Pinky Swear. Instead I'm going to sit down with a pen and pad and make a plan to enlist others to help finish my decluttering and organizing. And I'm only going to go grocery shopping when someone is available to carry the bags upstairs for me. Oh yuk! This is not gonna be fun. But it's either that or Shady Pines I guess. It sucks! The aging process absolutely sucks. And If I can whine just a little bit more, I'd like to say that I feel like I have lost too much in the past few years--first the ability to do all the things I once could do, and then my husband and partner who would gladly do it all for me if he were here. (Not to mention loosing half my family over stuff. But let's not go there.)
All right, that's it. The pity party's over. It's a very cloudy day, and I plan to spend most of it on the couch reading. But I do think that getting a pot of soup going on the stove won't be too strenuous for this old girl. I read about a soup recipe on Nicole's blog that I haven't tried She got it from The Pioneer Woman. It's called Italian Meatball Soup, and it looks and sounds so good. I know I don't need a whole pot of soup, but I plan to share some and freeze some. OK?
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On 01/23/2010, Courtney Short-Prudhomme said ...
hope you get to feeling better soon.. we all deserve a pitty party from time to time :-)
On 01/23/2010, Alathia said ...
Numbers 11:15 "...Please kill me at once..." That's Moses speaking to God. Even Moses had enough! LOL! I burst out laughing when I read that passage. At the time I'd been saying, 'Just kill me now.' A lot. =o)
I'd be happy to be added to your declutter/organizing team. 222-1204
On 01/23/2010, Debbie said ...
Okay...why didn't anyone tell me we were having a pity party? LOL! Oh Susan, things will get better. They have to because it can't get much worse, right? So...today is your day to be pitiful, who knows...tomorrow might be mine!
On 01/23/2010, Lynda Green said ...
Susan - when our family lost my niece in a car accident, I started researching and reading about grieving... and found many applications to life in general. One book by a comic's mother talked about allowing yourself to have a pity party of sorts. She suggests that you plan the time and time limit, rent/watch every movie that will make you cry, gather your favorite indulgences, and cry away... when time's up, your head clears and you can begin to state that you need help with some things. You are not alone!
On 01/23/2010, Helen said ...
I am one of your biggest "silent" reader/fans......learning from you how to handle what life gives us with grace and honesty....even when we don't want the "gift" that is given. As one who tends to isolate and be depressed when things are too much....I so admire your ability to take pleasure in the small daily joys - quilting, pets, church, soup....even cleaning up clutter:-) Sharing your journey encourages me to find ways to make the most of the day in front of me. Thank you Susan. Praying for you specifically for physical pain relief...
On 01/23/2010, Barbara Anne said ...
Pity parties are needed recovery tools from time to time. I love the idea of setting a time limit, pulling out the tear-jerker movies, and wailing, sniffling, until your eyes are puffy and the timer dings. Sophie will be there to lick your tears away.
Honey, one of the most difficult things in life is to ask for help and to be appreciative and gracious to those who come when you call. You know you'd hurry to help someone who asked for the same kind of help you need and you'd be glad for the opportunity to be helpful in a meaningful and needed way. You're giving those you enlist the chance to be glad for the opportunity and to feel good inside.
Would a soak in the tub help?
I saw that soup recipe and want to try it soon. Please let me know how you like it.
Big hugs!
On 01/23/2010, Joanne said ...
Barbara Anne is right on in saying it's hard to be grateful and gracious to people when they're helping you. The older I get, the harder it is for me to act normal when someone is "meddling" with stuff in my house. That's why I don't have household help, and why my house is such a mess. Even when the carpet cleaners come, I have to shut myself in my office, or go outside.
On 01/23/2010, CarlaH said ...
I think the pity party was well deserved after all you've been through. Do take your own advice and ask for help - don't just think about it. I'm a great one to talk, since like you I would much rather do things myself, so do as I say not as I do.
Take care and have a restful (pain free) evening and Sunday.
On 01/23/2010, Donna said ...
Susan, I know how you feel :( I have been having a pitty party for weeks now... no months ...like six months since Amber passed. I was about to post on my blog about the last 6 months and how I have not always dealt with things too well at times. Maybe you can read it after I post it by tonight. I am here for you if you ever need anything just email me. I will email you my phone #. I know your pain of loss.
Blessings
Donna
On 01/23/2010, Kai said ...
You know, something a friend said to me once when I was reluctant to accept help just came back to me. He said, "Kai, it HURTS your friends when you won't allow us to help you. It isn't fair of you to deprive us of showing our love." It was a real awakening at that time. I confess, I'd truly forgotten that until now, but it still applies - to me, to you, to all of us who are lucky enough to HAVE people who care about us. Let's BOTH of us try and remember that give-and-take goes both ways. We have to accept help once in awhile. I will if you will! Big (gentle) hugs!
On 01/23/2010, Linda J.W. said ...
Promises,Promises Every time that you My Dear Friend get to felling better you jump
right up and over do it,I worry about you so very much.Old saying again when you play
(WORK)you pay for it.You know none of us are getting any YOUNGER LOL.You are the only
person that can LET others Help You,I know
you would not think twice to help others would you PLEASE PLEASE take care
BIG HUGS Linda W.
On 01/23/2010, Pat said ...
It is so hard to give up "independence." The older I get and closer to my mother's age, I realize more and more how hard she pushed herself to stay independent. But that's what family and friends are for - to help. I do the same thing - overdo and then have to spend a day or more recuperating. As I've written on my own blog, Betty Davis said, Getting old is not for wimps. BTW, your monster quilt is cool! I think you're very young at heart!
On 01/23/2010, Debra Spincic said ...
I think it was really rude of you not to have sent out invitations to your pity party. I have such a cute hat I could have worn! *wink*
Would you PLEASE just take it easy? You should be able to survive until this summer on all that Lean Cuisine you bought!
On 01/24/2010, Rian said ...
It sucks to not be able to do the things you once could do.
Think how you would feel if your neighbor was in your situation. You'd be over there in a heartbeat, doing for them what you could, and feeling good about it. So suck it up and let people do for you. You'll return the favor or pay it forward.
Here's to better days ahead.
On 01/24/2010, Wendy said ...
Shady Pines...love it...we must both be "Golden Girls" fans. I hate it that two of those funny ladies are gone, but such is life. The re-runs fill many a wee-hour sleepless nights for me and my sewing machine. Enjoyed your pitty party; we've all been there and most probably will be again. Take care. W.
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