"The pride of the peacock is the glory of God."
--William Blake
Thanks to all of you who left comments, thought of me, or said prayers yesterday on the one-month anniversary of the death of my Vann. The day wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, at least not consciously. I think, though, that subconsciously it took a toll.I seem to have lost my focus the past couple of days. I was on a housecleaning roll there for a while. Today I plan to get that focus back and get my kitchen cleaned and organized.
I've also had an upset stomach since Thursday, and the fibro has really been pitching a hissy fit. I noticed last night that the moon is almost full and, whether it's scientific or not, I always feel worse during this time of the month. (Time of the month. Hmmm. Never thought I'd have to refer to that again.)
Ever wonder why God doesn't talk to people on earth anymore? (Missed the seque? Don't worry, there wasn't one.) You know, like he talked to Abraham and Moses, and all those old dudes. Wonder no more; God does still talk to us. We just have to listen a little more closely now, that's all.
God found early on that speaking to his earthly children in the natural could have some pretty negative physical effects. For one thing, it scared the bejeebers out of them, what with all that thunder and lightning and bush burning. Why, seeing God face to face could have devastating consequences. Remember how God told Moses to hide in the crevice of a rock so that God's glory wouldn't kill him? He finally let Moses see his back, and when Moses came down off the mountain he was glowing like the high-noon sun in an Alabama August.
So, you see, being in the pure presence of God is hard on people, and who knows what it does to God. So now he makes us use our brains that he gave us to pick up on the messages he sends us. If you've been reading this blog for long, you know that I believe God gives us messages, and that he has sent me plenty and I've even recognized a lot of them. This morning, I received another.
A quilter friend of mine told me about the blog Antique Mommy where there was a post on the same subject as I had written about yesterday, joy in hard times. So I clicked over to Antique Mommy's beautiful blog and read the post, which was very uplifting and inspirational, just what I needed.
Being raised as a polite southern girl, I left a comment, a calling card. This morning I received an e-mail from Antique Mommy. She said:
"I'm sorry for your loss Susan. The 30 day mark is a hard one. The funeral is over, the shock is wearing off and everyone has gone back to their normal lives and you are left with this new life, that you never wanted, and you have to figure out how to live this new life without your best buddy. I lost my first husband very suddenly when I was 34 years old. 16 years go. I didn't think I could ever be happy again. God is good and faithful to heal us. But it takes time. It takes time."
Well that was enough, right there: a message to me from God, sent through one of his faithful children. But there's more. I went back to Antique Mommy's blog this morning, and the thing that caught my attention this time was the picture of the beautiful peacock. Something led me to google peacock, and guess what the first link I clicked on told me: In Christianity, the peacock is a symbol of eternal life--life, death, and resurrection.
Methodists aren't as big on symbolism as some other older denominations, I guess. We have the cross, of course, which combined with a flame, forms the symbol of the United Methodist Church. And at Christmastime, we always put up our Christmon tree in the sanctuary and decorate it with white and gold symbols of Christianity. I'm not sure even what all those symbols stand for, but I know for sure there's no peacock on that tree. I had never heard of this meaning for the peacock.
So thank you, Antique Mommy. But most of all thank you God, for reminding me that death is just a natural part of the cycle that brings up back to you. Thank you both for showing me once more that Vann has not ceased to exist. Rather he exists in a more perfect form now, one that can't be harmed by disease or time or any of the negative forces that are here on earth.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 10/03/2009, Carol said ...
Susan you are amazing...you should write a book about this journey of yours. You are truly a blessing!
On 10/03/2009, Barbara Anne said ...
Amen, sister!
May the blessings in your words come back to you.
Huge hugs!
On 10/03/2009, Gayle said ...
Beautiful post...as a Quaker, we pray silently...clearing our minds...waiting on God...listening, so your post spoke to me today. Waiting on God applies to each and every faith and is such an amazing path.
God is there, waiting for us to watch and listen and light the way for us. :-)
On 10/03/2009, Mary said ...
I agree...I hope you are journaling this path that God has place in front of you. My sister is a widow, almost 12 years ago, and though it is still difficult for her, she has found a new husband in the Lord Himself...she can no longer turn to her earthly husban, but goes directly into the arms of her Savior...it does take time, and it also takes surrender. I am so thankful that you have a "sister" to share this heartache with...may the Lord bless you and comfort you.
Mary
On 10/03/2009, Debra Spincic said ...
Just stopping by to check on you. I, too, believe the signs are all around us if we have the open-mindedness to look and see them.
On 10/03/2009, hunnybunny said ...
Susan I am sending you lots of hugs. You are an amazing person.
On 10/03/2009, Rian said ...
Susan, just stopping in for a moment to see how you are. I read yesterday's and today's posts...your spirit and light are incredible. Funny--I never met Vann, but I miss him.
I agree with the others--write a book.
On 10/03/2009, Linda J.W. said ...
Oh Susan I Wish that you were close where I could give you a real HUG but all I can do is send you my HUGS via E-mail.I have never met you but I feel very close to you.I look out my back yard to see if I can see our pretty red cardinals and think about you and pray for you.
Linda W. from Texas
On 10/03/2009, Diva Kreszl said ...
Sending you love and hugs through cyber space! I too believe God speaks to us, the world has become a very noisy place and we need to to sit still and simply be in His prescence to hear what he's telling us. One of my favorite bible passages is Psalm 46...BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. May God continue to touch your heart and hold you in his comforting hands!
On 10/03/2009, Pokey said ...
Amen to the message! You are a blessing, even as you seek answers, Susan. Have a blessed Sunday. Are you working on a thankful list? See, God sends blessings that are so unexpected, and you are on my list! prayerfully your friend, pokey
On 10/03/2009, Karyl said ...
Hi Susan-
I was going through the Spiritual Sundays backtracking and saw your blog and decided to drop in.Have not visited you in awhile as my grandmother was hospitalized -September was not a good month. I want to offer my deepest sympathy as I had no idea your beloved Vann had went to be with the Lord. You dear dear lady I offer you. (((HUGS)))
As for the Christmon symbols I have the meanings if you should want them. I was raised Methodist and thought those ornaments with meaning were pretty neat! Thank you for sharing about the Peacock! My grandmother keeps feathers of the Peacock on her diningroom wall.
God Bless and Keep You!
Karyl
On 10/03/2009, k&c's mom said ...
Yes: God speaks today. Thanks for the reminder. My sister gave me a plaque for my wall that reads, "Make time for quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."
On 10/04/2009, Beverly said ...
Susan, this is such a wonderful message. You are such a testament to the power of God, faith and love. You and Vann have touched the lives of so many, and continue to do so.
I know in my heart that Vann will always be there for you. The kind of love you shared lives forever.
I'm holding you close in my heart and prayers.
On 10/04/2009, Kerrie Marquart said ...
Susan, I linked to you from How Sweet the sound. I was struck by your frank discussion of death. I had just finished putting a word about death on my own blog. It was comforting to see someone else approach the subject. My hubby has terminal cancer, Multiple Myeloma and is in his 4th yr. of fighting it. He is a wonderful patient and I cannot imagine my life without him. You are brave and good to write as you do. Kerrie
On 10/04/2009, Nancy said ...
Susan, what a wonderful post, and the message about God speaking to us still is so true. One thing that is most difficult for me in prayer is to truly let go of my concerns and worries. I am probably going to make a muddle of this but I'm certain you will know the poem I'm talking about. I can't find my copy or I would post it as it is very short. It is about a woman who asks God to 'mend' something in her life and when it isn't taken care of as she expects, she asks Him why he won't 'fix' it for her...His reply to her is that He wanted to mend it but she never truly let go of it so that He could hold it in His hands. As I said, I've made a mess of the poem I know, but the point is there all the same. 22 years ago, when my fifteen year old daughter told us she was pregnant, I prayed and prayed for God to help me cope but still could not find peace. A friend who was not yet aware of our family situation, stopped by my office one morning and gave me a copy of the poem I'm talking about and said, "I was thinking of you last night and thought you might need this". As I read it I realized that I was not letting go of my burdens and giving them over to God. I also realized that he had used my friend to let me know what I needed to do. You are so right about just listening harder for His voice.
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