That's what Holly Golightly called the blues, if I remember correctly. And I have 'em again. It's not just the loss of Vann, it's everything. My back is giving me fits and I can hardly stand to be on my feet for more than a few minutes. My house is in a state of chaos like it's never been before, and I'm in no condition to put it in order. I have a list of things to take care of regarding Vann's passing, and I haven't even made the list yet. Plus, I feel like my attitude today is bringing Sophie down. She's looking a little mopey. I have to pull out of this. Can't be having a mopey dog.
From the category of "Life in a Small Town," my sixth grade teacher just called me to express her condolences on Vann's passing. Although she didn't know him, she said she had heard he was a very good man (true). She also said that she always thought I was one of the "sweetest little girls" and she loved me. Thanks, Billie Ann (Mrs. Faulkner).
The photo of Vann was taken in the late 80s when he made a business trip to South America, to Argentina I think. I always thought he looks like a Colombian drug runner with a camera. But it's a cute pic.
If you haven't read Nicole's comment on yesterday's post, I recommend it highly. Her story about her super market escapades with her dog Jeeves will have you rolling with laughter. Thanks, Nicole, for a good guffaw or two. (I've tried to link to Nicole's comment, but this new Typepad deal has me flummoxed. Just go looking for it in yesterday's comments.)
I'm going to try to make some lists now.
This post was migrated from the old blog. To see the comments on the original post, CLICK HERE. To add a new comment, click "Post a Comment", below.
On 09/09/2009, Sandy said ...
Sounds like you're a little overwhelmed, which is normal for what you have been through. Take a deep breath and start the day all over again. Don't let life and pain get you down. You are a very strong person and you can do this. Pain is like a parasite - it sucks the life out of you and feeds on your strength. But look it in the eye and know that you have what it takes to beat it. Draw on God's strength to get you thru this. Remember the poem "Footprints"? Let Him carry you for a while. "Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Eph. 6:10" Use His strength. He is happy to give it. Have a blessed day.
On 09/09/2009, Debra Spincic said ...
Be gentle on yourself, Susan. Everything else can wait.
On 09/09/2009, mellenewing said ...
Don't try to do it all at once. You are allowed to put off somethings, decide which ones must be done and do the others as you feel like it. It has been almost 4 years since my husband passed away and I am still working on my list. You are a strong woman and with God's help you will be okay.
On 09/09/2009, Carol said ...
OMG Susan, Nicole's story is the funniest EVER! Take one step at a time...baby steps...please take care of yourself...the rest can wait!
On 09/09/2009, Ruth Landon said ...
A great story from Nicole. Its OK for you to feel overwhelmed Susan. Don't try to do everything at once, and do something that you really WANT to do every day, not just the things that you HAVE to do. If you feel like doing nothing then do nothing.
God Bless
Ruth
On 09/09/2009, Joanne said ...
I second all the good advice. Love Vann's travel motto. Nicole's adventure story was great.
On 09/09/2009, Lisa D. said ...
I agree with what others have said - cut yourself some slack. It doesn't all NEED to get done. No one is going to care if the house is a little messy. You're going through a rough time, take care of YOU first and foremost!
On 09/09/2009, Connie W said ...
Clean houses are over-rated so don't let the 'shoulds' get to you. Continue to take care of yourself as best you can. Sending good wishes and hugs over cyberspace. XO
On 09/09/2009, Lisa A said ...
I think Vann looks like a seasoned photojournalist TRACKING DOWN drug runners in that picture. Who wouldn't fall in love with him? ;-)
On 09/09/2009, Barbara Anne said ...
Love the picture (whata hunk!), love Nichole's story (I think the moral is don't get up so early!), and agree that you need to be patient and gentle with yourself.
I suggest you make several list titles and add to the lists as you think of things. No need to rack your brain all at once. I once read: "Everything has been thought of before - the trouble is to think of it again!!"
If you'd feel better if you home was in order, please consider hiring someone or enlist friends and/or young family members to help. You needn't do it all yourself or all at once.
One day at a time, sweet Jesus ...
Huge hugs!
On 09/09/2009, CarlaH said ...
Susan, is it any wonder that you have a sore back - I am a firm believer in the theory that stress takes its toll on us. Don't try to overdo - the housework will still be there when you feel more up to it - just do what absolutely cannot be avoided. As much as we would like to think of ourselves as super women we all have out limits and must learn to listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us.
On 09/09/2009, Nancy said ...
Susan, I pray that the 'good' days will far out weigh the 'bad' very soon. The house will wait patiently for your attention, houses are thankfully not demanding, even though they drive us crazy without saying a word. Sending warm peacful thoughts your way.
On 09/09/2009, Beverly said ...
Nope, you can't have a mopey Sophie. ;-)
Too bad we can't all drop by to help. You would have a revolving door of company and helpers. I am a pro list maker. And, I love being able to mark something off of one of my lists. It's like power.
Sending love to you, Susan.
On 09/09/2009, Lavender Dreams said ...
I'm glad you're taking time to blog and talk about yourself. I know some days will be harder than others. Take care of yourself!
On 09/09/2009, AwtemNymf said ...
Dear Friend Susan- please don't overwhelm yourself with things that can wait. It's ok to grieve and feel the loss of your best friend. It will take time and it will get easier each day. One minute at a time. Not one day- ONE MINUTE. It works for me! Take a time out for you too! Maybe roll in the grass and be silly with Sophie :O) God is always with you! Sophie may be mopey because she knows too, but sweet Vann is always down on you! Prayers and blessings!!
HUGS!!!
On 09/09/2009, Deb said ...
Susan, stop, breathe, slow down, sit and don't get up unless its for a cup of coffee or tea. It is only a week since your world feel apart, don't expect miracles. I wish I could be there to help. Sadly the housework will not disappear but its not going anywhere either, Sophie is probably a wee bit sad because she doesn't understand but knows that you are and can feel your tension. Your sore back is telling you something, listen to it, you can't achieve everything in a day, let alone a week.
Just breathe, keep talking in your blog, be quiet in your own space when you need to, scream when you want to, know you are loved by many. Don't push yourself you may make your back worse and then everything will seem to become even more demanding.
Breathe and listen to your heart and body. You are no less strong by giving in to them.
big hugs Deb
On 09/09/2009, Nicole said ...
You are allowed to be blue. You are allowed to let the house be a mess. You are allowed to do nothing at all. Good gravy, it has been a rough few months, and you only lost your husband a week ago.
Listen to that small voice inside you. Someone bigger than us is trying to tell you something.
Rest, talk to us, and know that what Buddha said is true: Everything changes.
On 09/09/2009, Nicole said ...
PS: and Vann looks like a total hottie in that picture! (As the younger generation would say).
On 09/09/2009, Patty said ...
My husband couldn't stop laughing about Vann's photo caption. He's been to that country and agrees with Vann. Life without him has to be hard, but you will survive. Like the others noted, take care of you for awhile. Don't be afraid to ask others for help. You aren't expected to do it all alone and very few things need to be done right away. My prayers are with you and I wish you comfort during this time. Hugs-Patty
On 09/10/2009, sherry said ...
Susan, I'm just so sorry that I didn't have time to stop by here sooner to hear the news of Vann's passing. This so reminds me of my Dad passing away in 2005 from the same horrible disease. All he wanted was to come home & there he passed away shortly after. I want you to know you are in my thoughts & prayers. God love ya, please know you have lots of people to call on if you need anything, me included!
On 09/10/2009, Gayle said ...
There are photos...and then there are photos that can speak volumes about a person...this is one of those photos. Magnificent!
On 09/15/2009, Laurie said ...
You're doing great. Fantastic photo of your husband -- and I agree with your assessment of it! ;)
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