I bet a lot of you think most of this stuff I write about is pure fiction. Nobody could live in as much drama as I write about, right? Nope, it's all true. Honest it is. And I don't like drama. It makes me nervous, gives me a headache, and uses up way too many spoons. But we had some more last night.
Around 9:00, I let the dogs into the backyard for what I hoped would be their last outing of the night. I had my pajamas on and wanted to turn in early and read. After I let them out, I was puttering around doing all my going-to-bed things like take my meds, make sure the dogs' bowls are full of water, check all the doors to make sure they were locked, etc.
Before I could finish my tasks, both dogs began making a terrible commotion with barking and yelping and the like. I ran out to the back porch to see what was up. A possum was up--up on the fence, avoiding two yiking terriers.
The possum was chilling, he didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave, but I knew I had to shut those dogs up. By that time, every dog in the valley, it seemed, had joined in the barkfest. It sounded like the end of the world.
I had to get the possum to leave somehow, I decided. But first, I grabbed my camera off the kitchen table and shot a few pics. I know blog fodder when I see it.
After I shot my pics amid the hellatious clamour, I put the camera away and found a stick. If I poke him, I though, he'll jump down and run away. I forgot that possums aren't efficient runners. They'd be more accurately described as waddlers.
I would have thought he would depart when I came near him, but he didn't. I don't know if the dogs had him petrified or if he was just a laid-back possum, but I think I could have reached out and picked him up and he would have been ok with it. But since I didn't want to have to go to the emergency room for a possum bite, I refrained from lifting him. I just poked him, gently, with the stick and finally convinced him to hop down into the yard on the other side of the fence where the dogs couldn't go.
But don't you know that stupid marsupial turned right around and, before I could say goodbye Br'er Possum, slipped right back through the crack between gate and fence post. Back in Dogland. I couldn't have caught Sophie or Skipper then if I had been Wonder Woman. They were like quantum particles--one second they were on the ground beside me, then seemingly without even moving, they were on top of the possum up in the monkey grass.
Stick in hand, I ran to the scene of what I was sure would be possum murder and marsupuial mayhem. Sophie had hold of him and was shaking her head, so I warped her with the stick. All the time, I'm thinking my sister, who has an inexplicable fondness for possums, will kill me if I let my dogs harm this one. I'm also screaming at the top of my lungs things like, "NO! STOP! DROP HIM! DAMMIT!" Like that.
You can perhaps imagine the cocophany. Or can you? Two small dogs screaming, every dog within barking distance barking, a crazy woman running all over the hillside yelling and waving a stick. You won't be surprised when I tell you that my next door neighbor Nolan appeared out of the dark.
"Suzie, Suzie," he said, "get away from the possum. Even if he's unconscious, he can attack you."
Well I didn't believe that. How the hell can an unconscious possum attack anything. That possum was doing what possums under stress the world over do: playing possum. He wasn't about to move, hoping his adversaries would think him deceased and leave him alone.
But Sophie and Skipper aren't the type to be fooled by such foolishness. I, however, was easily able to fool Sophie, without even meaning to. I reached down and grabbed Skipper, while simultaneously pushing Sophie back with my stick. Something about those actions confused Soph, and she thought I had picked up the possum instead of Skipper.
So she started leaping at me, trying to make me put the possum down. She followed me to the small fenced area right behind the back porch, the area that is fenced separate from the new fenced area. I chunked Skipper in, Sophie followed him, still apparently thinking he was the possum, and I slammed the gate shut on the two of them. Then I went back to inspect the possum.
At first I thought he was a goner. I used the stick to gently rub his back to see if I could get a rise out of him. Nolan continued to warn me away from the dangerous, man-eating possum.
So I backed up, away from the critter, and in a couple of minutes I saw movement. By the flood lights, I could barely tell that it was possum movement. Oh great, I thought. He's probably injured but not dead. What if I have to "put him out of his misery"? Can I do that? I was about to ask Nolan if he had a gun, when the possum rose up, shook himself just a little, and waddled off up the hill.
For the rest of the night, I kept thinking I might find a dead possum in my backyard the next morning. But when morning came, I inspected the backyard before I let the dogs out. To my great relief and happiness, no possum (dead or otherwise) was in evidence. I guess that's one possum that's still thanking his lucky stars he escaped those two little monster.
Airborne Skipper
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On 11/20/2010, Linda said ...
I so enjoyed your story! I know it must have been such a pain though! I feel your pain as my dog Sarge was skunked right off my back deck last Friday night! Last fall a small woodchuck managed to try and make a home under the hood of my mini-van! Drove with him in there for two days! Sarge was going crazy all night, wanting to go in the garage. He was scratching the side of my van, so finally I lift the hood and there he was!! Even had a little burn spot in his fur from the engine! I'm like of all the places an animal could hang out, that was THE place!! Too funny!
On 11/20/2010, Rian said ...
We had a mouse in our house the other night. So I can relate. On a much smaller level.
On 11/20/2010, Kelly Ann said ...
The girls corned one in the yard, it fell over and did what they do best, played dead. They sniffed, barked, we called them in with a promise of treat..in they came and Mr. P went on his way.
On 11/20/2010, LaVoice said ...
I understand your dilemma quite well. One got under my little shed in the backyard and decided to stay a few days with me. I did everything to get it out. I was afraid he was going come at me. I finally just left him alone, and one day he was gone.
On 11/20/2010, Gael Tino said ...
Great story on this gloomy day! lol...I used to throw dry cat food out for the baby possums that came here...
On 11/20/2010, Debby Messner said ...
Oh my, I agree with your neighbor.......you got way too close to that critter. I would have been a screaming maniac trying to get those dogs away from the opossum.
I may have posted this before,......seems like I did......my Mom let her Yorkie outside during the day. When she didn't return she went outside and found a raccoon on top of her. She reached for her dog and was attacked by the raccoon. They dropped the dog off at the vets on the way to the ER. They couldn't stitch her hands because of it being an animal bite and she had to have the whole series of rabies shots. Stay away from those wild ones. Yorkie survived as well.
On 11/20/2010, Judy Cloe said ...
Susan, I loved this blog! You really should write a book, you are such a good writer.
On 11/20/2010, Vickie LImberger said ...
Wow, we get raccoons and porcupines! Reading your blog reminded me of this story I have read to my kids.
http://www.amazon.com/Possum-Come-Knockin-Dragonfly-Books/dp/0679834680
On 11/20/2010, Jen in NY said ...
Oh my! Susan the fun never ends! LOL Mr. Possum is pretty cute. That "playing possum" stuff really works huh? Hope you have a more restful night tonight!
On 11/20/2010, AnnieO said ...
So much excitement when all you wanted was an early night! At least no one was harmed, and hope your nerves didn't use up a lot of spoons :) We have possums often and the other week our neighbor found one INSIDE his lawnmower, when he lifted to engine cover to find the reason that it wouldn't start. They tracked it to the other neighbor's yard. When he again went to start his mower, ANOTHER possum jumped out of the engine cover! Amazing.
On 11/20/2010, Debbie said ...
Hilarious! Skipper and Sophie...possum hunters! My future son-in-law and I found one in the garage...he screamed like a little girl! The boy...not the possum!
On 11/20/2010, Julie in WA said ...
You've got the BEST stories and a real gift for telling them! This was so funny!
On 11/21/2010, Nancy in Florida said ...
I don't let my little dogs out in the back in the early morning or when it is getting dark because we have the threat of coyotes. I don't live in a rural area here in Florida but have a big green area with a bunch of trees behind the house. Love your stories - never ending excitement with pets.
On 11/21/2010, Nancy in Florida said ...
I don't let my little dogs out in the back in the early morning or when it is getting dark because we have the threat of coyotes. I don't live in a rural area here in Florida but have a big green area with a bunch of trees behind the house. Love your stories - never ending excitement with pets.
On 11/21/2010, Denise in PA said ...
Oh, Susan, I don't mean to laugh at your drama, but boy you tell a good story! Thank you for thinking of your blog-fans amidst all the mayhem! And, I'm glad the possum was okay - hopefully he's learned his lesson and won't be visiting your yard again. o:)
On 11/21/2010, Ruth said ...
Never a dull moment at the Yellow House! Thanks for sharing your excitement .
Ruth
On 11/21/2010, Marilyn Durham said ...
I have laughed and laughed at this. Glad you got him gone. Love the doggies, and I'm glad they didn't have injuries requiring a vet visit, and that your sister isn't mad because the possum is fine. This was wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing!
On 11/21/2010, Nicole said ...
Possums are such shy stupid creatures aren't they? But still, you don't want them to come to any harm. Your Sophie is a Warrior Princess for sure. No vermin allowed in your yard! What a hullaballoo for sure!
On 11/21/2010, Brenda Kula said ...
I laughed so hard throughout this great story! (You DO tell a great story, you know.) I could picture you and the mayhem. I can imagine my own two stinkers and the mayhem!
Brenda
On 11/21/2010, Kai said ...
Ohhhhh, mercy! All I can say is Ramey would HATE me because possums & Kai = SWORN ENEMIES! Eeeeeeeeewww! They creep me O-U-T!
On 11/21/2010, Barbara Anne said ...
Girlfriend, face it! You're a gifted writer even if no book has been forthcoming yet. I'm still laughing and tears are rolling down my cheeks!
Cheers for having that small fenced area within the larger fenced yard! That saved more more than one life last night.
I'm glad all came out of the mayhem in one piece and that peace once more came over the valley.
On 11/21/2010, MARTA RAMOS said ...
SOO FUNNY, AT LEAST TO READ. WE RECENTLY MOVED TO THE COUNTRY AND I HAVE NOT HAVE THE PLEASURE TO MEET A POSSUM YET, I HOPE I NEVER WILL. YOURS LOOK SO CUTE AND I LIKE THE ONES IN THE CARTOON, THAT IT IS FOR ME. THE BIGGEST DRAMA SO FAR WE FOUND A GARDEN SNAKE IN MY WASHER, WE ARE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE HOW IT GOT THERE. I KNEW THERE WAS A SKUNK THE OTHER NIGHT AROUND THE BACK OF MY SHOP, ALL I CAN DO WAS PRAYED I DIDN'T GET SPRAYED. BLESSINGS AND I WILL VISIT AGAIN. MARTA.
On 11/21/2010, Jo said ...
Susan, I have laughed so hard. When I started reading this it was so funny I had to start over and read it to my hubby. Now he is laughing too. Tears are running down my cheeks. The way you tell the story we can almost see you running around with a stick in hand trying to rid the yard of a possum. Yes, you were right, your sister would not want you to harm the possum. Hope you had a wonderful weekend.
On 11/22/2010, Charlene said ...
I am surprised Skipper didn't learn he could climb that fence if he tried. Such brave dogs!!!!!!
On 11/22/2010, crazymema said ...
Too funny -- and all too familiar. My dogs are about the same size as yours and our fence about as high. I get up very early so the dogs are out at 3:00 a.m. to do their business. We have had a possum on our fence several times over the past several months . I tried everything to get him down. He just looked at me like I was the one who was crazy. The only thing that worked was putting the hose on jet stream and aiming it at him. I was on the other side of the pool when spraying him so I know the pressure wasn't that intense but I had tried everything else to get him down and have the dogs quiet down. I was just praying like crazy that he wouldn't jump at me instead of the way I wanted him to jump! I had to get rid of him before the neighbors started stoning me for the time of night it was. Great pictures -- I never thought of getting my camera when it was happening.
On 11/22/2010, Ramey said ...
Poor Possum! What could he have been thinking? Trying to visit? Just acting a fool? There must have been something edible out there that he was after. Tell him to come to my house; the cats tolerate possums with a sort of resigned fatalism. "if a possum wants my food, the possum's gonna get the food, and I can't do nuthin' about it."
I wish I could get some good photos of my possums. Every time I appear with a camera, they stare at me with eyeballs aglow, and all I see in the picture are two irridescent orbs.
On 11/22/2010, Becky in Georgia said ...
LOL:) Of course, that immediately brings to mind the Epossumundus books by Colleen Stanley (children's picture) and Don't Laugh Joe by Keiko Kaska. You'd probably enjoy those after your adventure.
On 11/23/2010, Sharon said ...
How scary - your little dogs are good protectors! I live pretty much in the middle of a good-sized city, - in Nebraska, and twice I've seen a possum just strolling through my back yard, early, early in the morning before sunup. Makes me wonder where they spend their days as I'm out in my yard puttering around in my flower beds! I guess I would just as soon not know. Not the cutest sort of creature, are they?
On 11/23/2010, HVAC contractors said ...
OMG this was funny. How can an unconscious possum attack you? Really though, you shouldn't ever mess with a possum. They're meaner than hell.
On 11/24/2010, Dandelion Quilts said ...
What a story! I would have freaked out. I was at camp once as a kid, and I can remember hearing the possums or the raccoons fighting, I could never sleep.
On 12/17/2012, Ernie said ...
Man, this has happened to us several times, exactly like you described! Though my dog was jumping on the side of the fence and happened to grab the tail that was swishing back and forth and pulled it down into our yard! Our dog did the same thing--shaking it and all, but I used a garden hose to spray our dog away from it and finally got her to go inside. I opened the gate and like you said, the next AM, it was gone--no dead body.
My first dog was much more rough with an oppossum and did injure it so that there was blood and all. Had to call animal control to get it out from under the bushes. It probably died or was put down since it had a big stomach wound.
I'm looking for ways to prevent them from walking on our fence. They come across from neighbor's fences onto our vinyl fence. We tried spikes but that didn't work. I'm looking for this rolling pin device you put on top of your fence and then they can't walk there--have you seen such a thing? I had a brochure once on it but now I cant find it. Was wondering if anyone suggested such a device to you.
Thanks! We just had another occurrence last night so I'm determined to figure this out.
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