All this discussion of debilitating diseases and what-not, and lo and behold look what appears on the Yellow House this morning! A Walking Stick Bug! I've always thought that a walking stick bug is one of the most beautiful examples of natural selection, evolution, whatever. Some people think Darwin's theories go counter to a belief in God. I couldn't disagree more. Oh what a divine intelligence it must have taken to design a walking stick bug! Who cares how the design came about? Isn't he wonderful? God, I mean. Well, and the walking stick bug too.
I appreciate all your comments, information, and advice. Some of it I knew, some I didn't. I do have a rheumatologist, and I visit him at least once a year. I find my family doctor to be just as helpful, if not more, though. And I visit him several times a year.
I think I have been prescribed just about every medication that has ever been indicated for fibromyalgia, and some that have not. I've found Cymbalta to work better for me than anything else I've taken. I had taken it for a couple of years and decided one day it wasn't working, so I decided to wean myself from it. I was about halfway through the wean when I figured out that indeed is was working. I began to feel like I had been buried in a bed of fire ants after having wolves chew on me. So I weaned myself back onto it.
In addition to Cymbalta, I also have pills for blood pressure, mytral valve prolapse, esophogeal problems, low thyroid, high cholesterol, muscles relaxers, and anti-imflamatories. Maybe some more. I have to be looking at them to remember them all.
I have also been tested for just about every disease known to man, but I'm not sure if I've been tested for lupus. And even if I have, it sounds like sometimes it takes more than one testing. Therefore, I'm putting that on my list to ask my doctor next time.
Somebody, I forget who, suggested I get a dog. I'll take that as kidding right now, since both of my doggies are tussling around me feet, making thinking even harder than normal for me.
Exercise is always a problem for me. But I do walk at least half a mile a day (most days) with the dogs. Days when I can, I do a mile. I'm not saying I enjoy it. It hurts. And even a stroll to the end of the street and back wears me slap out. I did try heated pool exercises once, but quit because of the long drive to the facility. It did help though. I need to look for a closer pool. This one is an almost 20-mile drive to and from.
Click on the above photo to see these ladies in action.
In reading all your comments and thinking of past advice from many of you--I think I know that a big part of my problem is, well, me. I don't know where I got the idea that one has to "keep going," no matter what. But I feel that way. It's partially guilt (an emotion for which I have excellent skills and endurance). That's at least 50%. OK, 90%. All the while I'm lying on the couch watching a movie or reading, the thought of that unfinished baby quilt, unpainted front door, unlandscaped yard, unlaundered laundry, unvaccumed carpets, unwalked dogs, uneverything are nagging nagging nagging. Who can rest with all that nagging?
But there's also the feeling that if I don't keep going, I won't be able to keep going. You know, the invalid thing. I DO NOT WANT THAT!
So instead of taking a year off and wallowing around after Vann's illness and death and my subsequent bouts with flu, bronchitis, tendonitis, and a couple other itises, I flew right into the major project of redoing the house. I know now that I should have put that off a year or two until I had recuperated a bit. But I didn't.
So now, I have to learn to:
1) back off and let things go when I feel awful--no matter if that's just for a day, a week, a month, a year, or however long.
2) accept help from friends and family, another thing I'm not good at. My pastor called me this morning to check on me and offered to do my grocery shopping. I almost took him up on it, but I couldn't quite bring myself there. I'm going to work on that. From now on, if a chore just must be done and I'm not feeling up for it, I'm calling one of those bazillions of friends who have lovingly offered their help.
3) Work on destressing my life. Knowing that stress is poison for me, I will avoid it, ignore it, run from it, hide from it. Tell it to take a hike. Kick it's...oh well, you get the idea.
3) (and this is a biggy) stop feeling guilty when I blow off a club meeting or other social gathering, or even church. I can't even imagine where these feelings come from, but I feel like I have to apologize to somebody if I miss a quilters guild meeting, bee, book club, church, or whatever. That's pretty nuts, huh?
4) Let sleeping dogs lie, and join them from time to time.
ANYBODY CARE TO JOIN US?
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On 09/13/2010, Kai said ...
I always love reading your self-discoveries because they apply to so many of us! Why do we women ALWAYS feel we 'must' do everything? And when we CAN'T, why do we feel we 'must' apologize? Sometimes I visualize myself popping my round head out of my coffin to say, "Oh, goodness! I'm really SO sorry I wasn't able to make it to the gathering Thursday, but I was busy being run over by that truck driver." LOL! You are VERY correct about Lupus - takes way more than one test to diagnose it. I just hope you will remember when you feel bad, STOP. When you don't want to do something, DON'T! And when you are tired, REST! We all need to remember that! I LOVE YOU!
On 09/13/2010, Debby Messner said ...
We can alal learn from your post. I am sure you were full speed ahead after Van passed. When I first read your post, I thought maybe you had just moved. I wondered why you were doing all that you were. But, I think I understand. I hope that you will accept help and just do what you can and feel good about it. So sorry that your health comes in the way. Maybe that will eventually get better when you slow down. There are some days when I just chill. It's not bad. Good luck.
On 09/13/2010, Helen in Switzerland said ...
Susan - a very sensible sorted woman - you are an inspiration and I think every one of us reading today can learn from what you have written!
Take care my dear, you are in my prayers! Maybe when the weather cools a little you will feel better and life will start being fun again!
I certainly hope so.
Alternatively, stay home, write a book, we will all buy it and you will become stupendously rich and famous and can pay people to do all those chores!
On 09/13/2010, Alison in UK said ...
That all sounds like very good advice Susan. I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment. I understand the need to "do" after a dear one dies, but at some point grief needs to be worked through and it sounds as if your body is telling you it's now. I don't know anything about your lifestyle, but I do find your list of medications seriously scary and can't believe that anyone can take a cocktail like that and not suffer side-effects. Is there any way to adjust your diet to reduce your reliance on some of the meds, such as cholesterol and high blood pressure? Maybe if you manage to get rid of some of the meds your need for some of the others might reduce? The pharmaceutical industry is only there to make money, we have to take ownership of our own health, and fortunately nowadays we have a wealth of information at our fingertips (though obviously some caution is advised when researching on the internet!!). With all best wishes.
On 09/13/2010, Loribelle said ...
Wow, and I thought Chip got all his groceries from drive thru windows! (tee hee) I better be on the top of your "friends to call for stuff" list, Missy. Lord knows I pass umpteen stores on my way home from Hoover, even JoAnns!! My guilt comes from knowing I should call and check on you more but I don't want to impose. See? Silly us!! I love you SQC...and your little dogs, too!
On 09/13/2010, Barbara Anne said ...
Wise words, grasshopper! Please repeat them to yourself when you need to quell the nagging voice in your heard with the "should" litany! I know I say very similar things to myself when "could" has turned to "can't" and I must sit or fall on my face.
Since I read the analogy of comparing the amount of energy you have each day to spoons, I had a new idea. It crossed my mind when I'm out of spoons and am resting as I must, it's like my spoons are in the dishwasher getting ready for my restored allotment of energy. I'm not being really productive (unless the washer/dryer/dishwasher are working!) but I'm investing in myself. I didn't choose this, so I have nothing to feel guilty about. It is what it is and I'm along for the ride.
Be sweet to yourself!
Love and hugs!
On 09/13/2010, Elizabeth said ...
I love what you said about evolution. If evolution isn't an amazing example of God's love for life on this earth, I don't know what is.
I too hear the nagging voices in my head. There are so many of us dedicated to work, yet so few of us equally dedicated to rest. I haven't found the balance, but I'm praying that I will. And that you will too!
On 09/13/2010, Ruth said ...
Wonderful words as always, Susan, and the photos are a hoot!
If I lived closer I would gladly help you. Yes and I am also a person who feels guilty if I do nothing. I even have to knit or sew while watching TV so I don't feel the guilts.
Hope you,ve had a restful day.
Ruth
On 09/13/2010, AnnieO said ...
The walking stick is amazing--I don't believe I have ever seen one up close.
These are good lessons for just about everyone. We all can learn to lean on others just a little more and not feel guilty for it! I'm glad you have lots of people who are in your life and also your pets to help you along. There was an article in the Health section today that said that the support of friends and family and community support allow people to live longer lives. Love helps!
On 09/13/2010, Carol at Our Sears Kit Home said ...
Susan, I think you're right on!
I am like you in that I think I have to keep doing and moving and taking care of things. A wise counselor told me several years ago that I needed to learn to have compassion for myself. That transformed my life.
It says in the Bible to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how do we know how to love our neighbors? Well, part of loving ourselves is having compassion for ourselves. So let yourself off the hook!
On 09/13/2010, Bonnie said ...
Susan, I wish you were my neighbor so I could come over and help you out with a dinner or errand!
You are in my prayers as you are coping with pain and stress. One thing that helps me give up and ask for help is asking myself if a friend had my symptoms, how would I treat the friend? Chances are we are tougher on ourselves than our friends -- so treat yourself like your best friend and give yourself some relaxing time!
I work full time, and daydream about sitting in the lawn chair admiring the view in the backyard for 30 minutes every day. Please, do a little of that for me, would you? Just sit and admire the view!
--Bonnie
On 09/13/2010, Stephanie said ...
Hi Susan. I am so sorry to hear you're struggling with a myriad of problems. I hope you don't mind but I wanted to ask a question - have you considered acupuncture? I see an acupuncturist and truly LOVE the treatments. I come away from them feeling thoroughly relaxed, destressed, and rejuvenated. (Not to mention, they do help with the physical ailments I'm seeking treatment for. :) I asked my acupuncturist whether acu can treat fibromyalgia. She said to tell you, "Yes, not as a cure, but we can help keep the symptoms under good control." So, I thought I might pass that along to you. I realize that acupuncture sounds like hocus pocus - I don't totally believe in it, either, I just know that it works for me. Take care of you. ~Stephanie at Buttermilk Hill
On 09/14/2010, Susan said ...
If a heated pool helps, why not a hot tub? Maybe a friend has one that you could try out and if it helps then you could purchase one and not have a long drive to use a pool.
On 09/15/2010, Sandy said ...
It sounds like you have a better handle on things today. It's hard for us that are used to doing things for ourselves to ask for help, I stuggle with that myself, but find that I can wait until I get help and the world doesn't really fall apart. But it sure is a struggle sometime to just rest....
Hope your day is better, love ya.....
On 09/16/2010, Lallee said ...
Susan, I am so sorry for the pain you have been enduring. It sounds like you have come to some good conclusions on what to do on the worst days. False guilt is such an awful thing and can really eat at us. Wishing you some relief!
♥Lallee
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